Funny New Year Stories

A New Year's Wish

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it
was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband
to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing.  As the clock struck - the
bartender was almost crushed to death.

Lecture Tour with A Difference

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left
his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along,
he was stopped by a policeman.  'What are you doing out here at four
o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at
this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

New
Year's Eve Party - Phantom Guest?

Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving.  During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led
to where the drinks were, in the kitchen.  He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know,' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even invited
to this party.  I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my drive.'  He continued, 'My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can
go out.'

New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes
later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for
Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was.
Nigel told her it was half time and that the
score was still 0-0.

'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'

A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's
present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her
small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.