The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service
at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and published in the Far East Economic
To get the full effect it should be read aloud. [You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds'
means by the end of the conversation.]
Room Service (RmSv): Morrin. Roon sirbees.
Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service.
RmSv: Rye...Roon sirbees...morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen?
Guest: Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RmSv: Ow July den?
RmSv: Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?
Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.
RmSv: Ow July dee baykem? Crease?
Guest: Crisp will be fine.
RmSv: Hokay. An Sahn toes?
RmSv: An toes. July Sahn toes?
Guest: I don't think so.
RmSv: No? Judo wan sahn toes??
Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn
RmSv: Toes! toes!... Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?
Guest: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an
English muffin will be fine.
RmSv: We bodder?
Guest: No...just put the bodder on the side.
Guest: I mean butter... just put it on the side.
Guest: Excuse me?
Guest: Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.
RmSv: One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on
sigh and copy...rye?
Guest: Whatever you say.
Guest: You're very welcome.
Mary Poppins was making her way home, but the weather was getting worse so
she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.
'Certainly madam,' he replied politely.
And is the restaurant open still?' asked Mary.
'Sorry, no,' was the answer,
'but room service is available all night. Would you care to choose something
from this menu?'
Mary smiled and took the menu and scanned it quickly. 'Yes,' Mary
murmured, 'I would like cauliflower cheese please.'
'Certainly, madam,' the receptionist replied.
'Also, I would like breakfast in bed?' added Mary.
The receptionist nodded and smiled.
'In that case, I would like a couple of boiled eggs, please,' Mary
She confirmed the order, signed the hotel register and went up to her
room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early
to check out. The same chap was still on duty.
'Morning, madam. Sleep well?'
'Yes, thank you,' Mary replied.
'Food to your liking?'
'Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't
think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though....they really weren't
that nice at all,' answered Mary honestly.
'Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest
Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value
your opinion,' said the receptionist.
'OK, I will...thanks.' replied Mary. She then scribbled a comment into
the book, and, waving goodbye she left to continue her journey.
Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had
Byron checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his
room. Five minutes later he calls the reception desk and says, 'You've given me
a room with no exit. How do I get out?' The desk clerk says, 'Sir, that's
absurd. Have you looked for the door?'
Byron replies, 'Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a
second door that goes into a cupboard. And there's a door I haven't tried, but
it has a 'Do not disturb' sign on it.'
Dogs are Welcome
Paul wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his holidays: 'I
would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well
behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: 'Dear Paul, I've been
operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog
steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had
to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And
I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome
at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here,
Make Your Own Bed?
Denis went on holiday to Torremolinos, Spain and stayed in a cheap hotel. The
reason it was cheap was because he had to make his own bed. They gave him a
hammer and nails to do just that!
Please send us your funny hotel stories.
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