Another batch of 'Stupid Lawyer' jokes taken from court transcripts
Lawyer's question: Mrs. Warren, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your solicitor? Witness's answer: No. This is how I always dress when I go to work. Lawyer's Question: Did he pick the dog up by the ears? Defendant: No. Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears? A: Picking them up in the air. Q: Where was the dog at this time? A: Attached to the ears. Q: ...and what did he do then? A: He came home and next morning he was dead. Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? Q: Could you see him from where you were standing? A: I could see his head. Q: And where was his head? A: Just above his shoulders. Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You, too, were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. Q: Now, Mrs Brown, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And, by whose death was it terminated? Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now? A: I will be three months November 8th. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time? Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies have been on dead people. Q: Did the lady standing the driveway subsequently identify herself to you? A: Yes, she did. Q: Who did she say she was? A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife. Q: I understand you're Donald Rowbotham's mother. A: Yes. Q: How long have you known him? Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact. A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg. Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' Q: Did he kill you?Stupid Lawyer Questions
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- Lawyer's Question: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
- Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
- Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
- Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?
- Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
- Q: So you were gone until you returned?