Men and Women Jokes

These days men are downtrodden.  Their familiar stamping ground is being eroded.  At last men are fighting back in the battle of the genders.  Here is their say.

Shopping

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we men are never going to think of it that way.

Confusion

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

Solutions not Sympathy

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Color Vision

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

Rules for Boys and Girls

We always hear 'The rules' from the female side.  Now here are
the rules from the male side.  For example, Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work!

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.  Pass
this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!

PowerPoint Humor for Boys - And Girls

PowerPoint Humor for Boys - And Girls.

10 Reasons Why It's
Better to Be a Woman...

1. We can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a
   'short woman complex'
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our
   calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look
   like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of
   cycling/swimming, or any other sport that would require aerodynamic
   legs.
5. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
6. We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of
   our sexuality.
7. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
8. The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts......and
   pool.....and football.
9. Taxis stop for us.
10. It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner
    workings of a 'ruck' (or any other rugby thing). but we look INCREDIBLY
    cool if we do.

10 Lessons Learnt About Men...

1. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
   types.
2. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of
   him.
3. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies
   about other things too.
4. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband
   to do.
5. If you want a nice man go for a bald one - they try harder.
6. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will
   usually find that he already is.
7. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of
   five men .......... a woman.
8. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong,
   caring, sensitive - they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
9. Men's brains are like the prison system-not enough cells per man.
10. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
    "don't" and "stop".

More Men and Women Jokes - The ATM Drive-through

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
accounts.

After months of careful research, Male and Female procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

Procedure for Men

1. Drive up to the ATM (cash machine).
2. Wind down
   your car window.
3. Insert card into ATM and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and take the notes.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind-up window.
7. Drive off.

Procedure for Women:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
   ATM.
3. Set parking brake, put the
   window down.  Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat,
   finally locate the card.
4. Tell girl friend on mobile phone that you will call her back and hang up.  Attempt to insert card into machine.
5. Open car
   door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car.  Insert
   debit card.
6. Re-insert card the right way.
7. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the address page.
8. Enter PIN.
9. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
10. Enter amount of cash required.
11. Take a quick peek at yourself in rear view mirror.
12. Retrieve notes and receipt
13. Empty
    handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
14. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
15. Re-check makeup.
16. Drive forward 2 feet.
17. Reverse back to
    cash machine.
18. Retrieve card.
19. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
20. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
    
21. Restart stalled engine and
    pull off.
22. Redial person on cell phone.
23. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
24. Release Parking Brake.

Footnote
Please send us your men and women jokes.

How to Create a Funny PowerPoint Presentation

Making presentations in PowerPoint is satisfying, moreover, it's easy to get
started.
The PowerPoint program is intuitive to learn and easy to create your own PPT
slides and build them into a slide show.  If you have
Microsoft Office you may find that you already have PowerPoint along with Word
and Excel.

One way to begin is simply to open any example presentation.  Just
download one of our free PPT files and open it with PowerPoint.  As you
examine the slides, so it will become obvious how to add pictures and titles, if
you do get stuck, ask the wonderful built-in 'Help'.  To make a funny slide show requires these skills;

• Imagination - Think of an funny idea, then build a themed slide set
• Artistic - An eye for a good picture
• Wordsmith - Choose a catchy title for each slide
• Humour - Your viewers will appreciate a funny PowerPoint Presentation
• PowerPoint mechanics - Actually, this is the easiest skill of them all, the
  program is so intuitive.

Good luck with creating your funny PowerPoint Presentation

Will and Guy