
- Funny Lawn Mower Jokes
- Cutting It Fine
- Blodwen's Lawn Mower
- Come Hell or High Water
- God and St. Francis Discussing Lawns
- New Mowing Machine
- Gardening Jokes
A sign on the lawn at a
drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
Sponsored Links
∇6 Funny Lawn Mower Jokes
- A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
- Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, and then they don't work half the time.
- There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbour's. Clyde Moore
- Will - Why do you water your lawn with whisky? Guy - So that it comes up half-cut.
- My neighbour Bill asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
- What do you call someone who used to like tractors?An extractor fan.
- What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
Cutting It Fine
Simon's motor mower had broken down. His wife, Maria, kept dropping hints
about getting it fixed before the grass grew too tall, but the message
wasn't getting through, and Simon kept procrastinating and putting off doing
the repairs. Frustrated, Maria decided on what she thought was a clever way to make
her point. When Simon arrived home from work, he found Maria sitting in the
grass, clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors. Simon, totally amazed, watched silently for a few minutes, then went into
the house only to appear again a few minutes later where he handed her a
toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
sidewalks,' said Simon ungraciously.Cutting the Grass
Michael O'Leary was waiting at the bus stop with his friend, Paddy Maguire, when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.
How Plants Warn Each Other of Danger

Blodwen's Lawn Mower
Mrs Blodwen Roberts was looking out of her front window one Sunday when she saw her neighbour coming up the drive dressed in his gardening clothes. 'He must be coming to borrow our lawn-mower,' Blodwen remarked to Mr Roberts indignantly, 'And on Sunday too. The very idea. Shameful. I won't let him have it. I'll tell him we haven't got one.'Man, Get an Electric Mower
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So that they can navigate back to their house!Come Hell or High Water
Overnight, a torrential rain storm soaked Southern England. When morning dawned the resulting floodwaters came up about 5 feet into
most of the homes in the south Portsmouth area, an area below sea level. Doreen Bryant was sitting on top her roof with her next door neighbour,
Molly Borden waiting for the emergency services to rescue them. Doreen noticed a lone straw hat floating near the house. Then she saw it
float far out into the front garden, then float all the way back to the
house, it kept floating away from the house, then back in. Her curiosity got
the best of her, so she asked Molly, 'Do you see that straw hat floating
away from the house, then back again?' 'Oh yes, Doreen,' grinned Molly, 'that's Bert, my husband, wearing his
gardening hat; he told me yesterday that he was going to cut the grass today
come Hell or high water.' See more funny lawn mower
stories.Rich Diet?
One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when
he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,'
the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.' 'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the rich man said.
'But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree.' 'Bring them along,' the rich man replied. Turning to the other poor man he announced, 'You come with us, also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife
and six children with me.' 'Bring them all, as well,' the rich fellow answered.
They all climb in the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor
fellows turned to the rich gent and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.' The rich man replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot
high.' 
Hilarious Irish Joke
At the Cheltenham jumps racing festival last March, Murphy leaned over and whispered to his fiend Seamus, 'Now would you be wanting the winner of the next race?' 'Oh, no thanks, Murphy,' said Seamus, 'I've only got a small garden.'God and St. Francis Discussing Lawns
GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
Sign of the Times?
A lawn mower race had to be cut back because recession hit owners couldn't afford the petrol. Fewer than half of the teams who normally sign up for the 12 hour race at Brinsbury College, Pulborough, last weekend, were able to take part. Organisers have blamed the international financial crisis had meant competitors didn't have the cash to maintain or fuel their grass cutting racers. Footnote: Please send us your lawn mower jokes.- See Guy's latest funny mower