'Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
they make it easier to do don't
need to be done.'
- Most Serious Computer Error
- Signs that You've had TOO MUCH Computing
- Newest Computer Boffin
- How to Start the
Day and Feel Really Good
Hilarious, Clean and Short Computer Jokes
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's
for dinner dad?'
Your daughter sets up a web site to sell Girl Scout Cookies.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't
spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
George landed his first computer programming position and he was thrilled. His father, Colin, although a stranger to the field, shared George's
enthusiasm and welcomed him at the door when he arrived home
after his first day, inquiring, 'What did you do at work today?'
He listened intently while George explained in great detail his eight hours of COBOL, binary code and JCL errors.
When George arrived home
the following night, once again his father, Colin, was waiting at the front door. 'So,' he greeted George, 'what did you have for lunch today?'
- Open a new file on your computer.
- Entitle it 'Housework.'
- Place it in the Recycle Bin.
- Empty the Recycle Bin.
- Your computer will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
- Answer 'Yes'
and click the left mouse button firmly.
- Now you feel much better.
Back when I worked as a PC technician I had a client who gave us his
computer to fix because it was riddled with malware. One of the standard
things we do is clean the cache, empty the recycle bin, scan for and remove
When we gave him his computer back he freaked out on us demanding to know
what we did with his most sensitive files. We told him we didn't delete any
personal files and he told us we did. Apparently he kept his most important
documents in the recycle bin?!
We tried to explain what the recycle bin was actually for and he
just didn't want to listen and didn't care or know to care. That was his
sensitive file folder.
Thanks to Bjørn Jensen for sending
this computer tale.
These are sneaky computer jokes that techies with too much time on their
hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.
- Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
- Variation of this idea. Unplug the original mouse. Plug
in a fake mouse. When they check the connection it seems to be
working. One from Dr Devious.
- Alter someone's Word Autocorrect.
Launch Word for Windows.Find 'Proofing settings'. Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
I to you.
- On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode
Shift + ALT + PrintScreen.
Note 1: You need
Shift and not Ctrl. Also use the Left Alt and not the right.
Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT
Note 3: Learn from this madness by
checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.
- Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad.
Control Panel --> Ease of access.
- You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site.
[You need some technical expertise to edit:C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]
clock - Install this computer joke application.
1) Capable Candidate
The IT director advertises that he needs a secretary. Necessary
skills: document forming, computer knowledge and a foreign language.
After a couple of days a dog walks in.
"I'm an open minded person," the pale-turned boss stutters, "but I need
someone who can form documents..."
The dog sits down behind the computer and compiles a totally decent
"Yes, but the IT-knowledge..."
The dog quickly writes a little program.
"Well, but foreign language?" the totally amazed director asks.
"Meow!" says the dog.
Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking
for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something
'Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
While my next door neighbour, Ian, was tapping away on his home computer,
his seven year old son, Nathan, sneaked up behind him.
Then Nathan turned and ran downstairs into the kitchen, bellowing to the
rest of the family, 'I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!
''What is it?' Mia, his elder sister asked gently but eagerly.
Proudly Nathan shouted, 'It's asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk,
When he was at Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland, Kevin
took a part time job as a computer technician dealing with most problems by
telephone. One day he received a call.
The caller told Kevin that her computer was not working. She described
the problem and he concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and
Kevin told her to unplug the power cord and bring it to him in the office
and he would fix it.
About fifteen minutes later she showed up at Kevin's door with the power
cord in her hand...
When I Was Young - A Funny Computer Poem
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a
And a virus was the flu.
Classic Computer Project
Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny computer jokes.