If you wish to be happy for a day, get drunk.
If you wish to be
happy for a week, kill a pig.
If you wish to be happy for a month,
get married.
But if you wish to be happy forever and ever, make a garden.
- Children in the Garden
- Gardening One-liners
- Short Gardening Jokes
- Funny Lawn Mower Jokes
Sponsored Links
∇Children in the
Garden
Two year old Henry was found chewing a slug.
After the initial
surge of disgust his Dad said,
"Well . . . What does it taste like?"
"Worms," was Henry's reply.
Little Joey is helping his grandfather dig up potatoes. 'What I want to
know,' he says, 'is why you buried the darn things in the first place.'
The elementary school cook prided herself on the healthy meals she
provided with lots of vegetables and fruits. When the power failed one day,
the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute
she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. As one
little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last, a
home-cooked meal!"
Gardening One-liners
Q: What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener? A: A Snap Dragon. Q: What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars? A: A pink carnation. Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A: A rash of good luck. Q: Why don't you ever iron a four-leaf clover? A: You might press your luck. Q: What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party? A: A fun-gi. Q: What insect is musical? A: A humbug. Q: What do you call it when worms take over the world? A: Global Worming. Q: Everyone knows how the Green Giant dresses when he works in the field. But when he goes to a corporate board meeting, what does he usually wear? A: A three peas suit.Short Gardening Jokes
- A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
- A man walks into the doctors with a parsnip in one ear, a carrot in the other and his nostrils blocked with broadbeans."What's wrong with me, Doctor?" "You need to eat more sensibly!"
Keep Off The Grass
How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?
Rich Diet?
One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?' 'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.' 'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the rich man said. 'But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.' 'Bring them along,' the rich man replied. Turning to the other poor man he announced, 'You come with us, also.' The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me.' 'Bring them all, as well,' the rich fellow answered. They all climb in the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich gent and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.' The rich man replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.'Cutting the Grass
Michael O'Leary was waiting at the bus stop with his friend, Paddy
Maguire, when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.
O'Leary opined, 'I'm gonna do that when I win de lottery, Maguire.'
'What's that, Michael?' responds his mate.
'Send me lawn away to be cut,' concludes O'Leary.
- See Guy's latest funny mower