Funny Welsh Rugby Jokes

Funny Welsh Rugby Jokes

Here is our collection of jokes and funny tales about Wales' national game - rugby.

Welsh Rugby Jokes

  • We once had a second row forward called Dai.  There was also a David who played on the wing, and a Daffyth at fullback.  To distinguish between the 3 Davids, we called our fellow forward Dai 'Eighteen months', because he only had an ear and a half.
  • The relationship between the Welsh and the English is based on trust and understanding.  They don't trust us and we don't understand them. Former RFU supremo Dudley Wood on Anglo-Welsh relations.
  • One cartoonist who have us hours of fun - especially with his calendars, was Gren with his distinctive, self-deprecating, Welsh humour.
  • Banner seen at Cardiff Arms Park. - "Ray Gravell Eats Soft Centres". The great man explained his rugby philosophy thus:  "You've got to get your first tackle in early, even if it's late".
  • As for singing and song-writing, it was Max Boyce who lead the way with his, 'Hymns and Arias'.  In his song 'Duw it's hard', the line: 'And the pithead baths is a supermarket now', sums up how life changed in the Welsh valleys during the 1960s and 1970s.
  • Snow White was returning from town to the cottage in the forest where she lived with the 7 dwarfs.  In the distance she could see smoke, then as she got nearer she realized that her cottage had burnt down. Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs, then she heard a a lone voice saying, 'Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup. On hearing this chant, Snow White gave a gasp of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.
  • For one game Bedwas 3rds were a player short and they asked around for a replacement.  Cecil, who used to be a utility player for Leicester 1sts, said he would be delighted to play. After a particularly bad game Dai said 'Cecil may have been known as a utility player at Leicester, but at Bedwas he would for ever be known as a futility player'.
  • Gren - Welsh Rugby Humour
Classic Welsh Rugby Joke Question: What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a 6 Nations game? Answer: Waiter.

Three Englishmen and a Welshman

Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table. One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.' His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.' The third Englishman said, 'Wait here chaps. I know how to do it.' He went over to the Welshman and said, 'St David was a flippin' sissy.' To this the Welshman replied, 'Ah well you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer. The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, 'St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!' The Welshman again replied, 'You're very sharp, you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer. The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled, 'St David was an Englishman!' The Welshman replied, calmly, 'That's what your mates were trying to tell me.'

The Dirtiest Clean Welsh Sheep Joke!Never forget you're Welsh

A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water.  It's disgusting!] The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking. Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink.  Water's disgusting.  Sheep poo in the water.] Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting.  Don't drink it!] 'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy!  Can't you speak English?' said the man at the stream, in a splendid English accent. 'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !

Welsh Lamb? Lloyd George Knew Who

Mrs Hopkins ordered a shoulder of Welsh lamb from her butcher, Mr Davies. She suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article. 'Are you certain this is real Welsh lamb?' Mrs Hopkins demanded, angrily. 'Ah, well, Mrs Hopkins,' confessed Mr Davies, the butcher. 'Look you, that lamb was actually born in New Zealand but I can assure you that it had Welsh parents.'

Welsh and Numbers

Two Welshmen, Dylan and Glyn, are sitting on a park bench reading their newspapers. Dylan notices the headline, '12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed.' Turning to Glyn, Dylan (Dull'un) enquires, 'Just how many is a Brazilian?'

Funny Welsh Films

  • The Wizard of Oswestry
  • Trefforest Gump
  • Independence Dai
  • Haverfordwest Was Won
  • Cool Hand Look-you
  • Dial M For Merthyr
  • The Bridge on the River Wye
  • Breakfast at Taffynys
  • Look You Back in Bangor
  • A Fishguard Called Rhondda
See more funny Welsh jokes based on Hollywood remakes
Teflon Hands In my opinion, the Welsh rugby crowd are masters of coining nicknames.  In the 1980's Cardiff had a player called Gerald Cordle playing on the wing.  He went through a bad patch, dropping pass after pass with the try line at his mercy. They took to calling him Teflon, because he had non-stick hands. See more rugby nicknames.
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See examples of Welsh jokes, humour and idiom

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