Funny Maths Jokes

Will and Guy are both qualified schoolteachers - History and Science
respectively - what we have found is there are three kinds of mathematicians;
those who can count and those who can't.

Mathematical Humour

 

Five Fabulous Fun Math Quotes

  1. Trigonometry is a sine of the times.
  2. The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count
    our blessings.
  3. If there is a God, he's a great mathematician.
  4. The man ignorant of mathematics will be increasingly limited in
    his grasp of the main forces of civilization.
  5. If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in
    your pocket and then giving Rover only two of them.

Funny Maths Jokes

  1. A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his
    homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks
    it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for
    aiding and abetting.His classmate calms him down: "Nobody
    will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names
    of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."
    Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his
    completed assignment to the classmate for copying.

    After the
    deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all
    the variables?"
    "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a
    function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it
    to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the
    timber of x+1..."Science maths howlers

  2. There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily
    and those who can't...
  3. Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their
    functions.
  4. 'What is Pi?'
    A mathematician, 'Pi is the ratio of the
    circumference of a circle to its diameter.'
    A computer programmer,
    'Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.'
    A physicist, 'Pi is
    3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005.'
    An engineer, 'Pi is about 22/7.'A nutritionist, 'Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!'
    See more Pi humour
    here:
  5. The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child.
    One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad, 'Do you know, daddy,
    what I've found out?'
    'No.'
    'The new baby will be Chinese!''What?'
    'Yes. I've read in the paper that statistics shows
    that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese.'
    Funny Mathematics
  6. A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a
    position as Vice President in a large corporation. The hiring
    committee asked them all the same last question:
    The mathematician
    was first. 'How much is 500 plus 500?', they asked, '1000.' he replied
    without hesitation. 'Thank you,' they dismissed him.
    Next came the
    statistician. 'How much is 500 plus 500?' 'On the average, 1000 with
    95 % confidence,' replied the statistician. 'Thank you,' they
    dismissed him.
    Thirdly appeared the accountant. 'How much is 500
    plus 500?' 'What would you like it to be?' responded the accountant.
    They hired the accountant.
  7. Two Physicists were riding in a hot air balloon and were blown off
    course sailing over a mountain trail, and were completely lost.
    They spotted a jogger running on the trail and they shouted, 'Can you
    tell us where we are?'
    After a few minutes, the jogger yelled
    back, 'You're up in a balloon.'
    One physicist said to the other,
    'Just our luck to run into a mathematician'.
    'How do you know he
    was a mathematician?' asked the other.
    'Well, in the first place he
    took a long time to answer; second, his answer was 100% correct and
    third, it was totally useless.'
  8. A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a
    street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on
    the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the
    house.
    Mathematics of Marriage

    Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the
    house.
    The Physicist, 'The measurement wasn't accurate'.
    The
    Biologists conclusion, 'They have reproduced'.
    The Mathematician,
    'If now, exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty
    again.'
  9. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice
    as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  10. A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 and revealed
    that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

What is Maths?

Mr Robbins, the math teacher asked his student, 'What is the full
form of Maths, Rebecca?'

Rebecca answered calmly, 'Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing
Students.'

Appendix
Why do Americans call it Math?
Yet the older generations of British refer to this subject as Maths?
Could it be because despite the ravages of age, we can still perform
multiple maths calculations in our heads, because they were drummed
into us 50 years ago?

Five Fun Facts and Maths
Trivia

  1. There are 2,598,960 five-card hands possible in a 52-card deck of
    cards.
  2. The largest prime number is 13,395 digits long; more than the
    number of atoms in the universe.
  3. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
  4. If you add up the numbers1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 and so
    on ...) the total is 5050
  5. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
    Decimals
    have a point.

Maths Class of 1958 v
Class of 2014

Scenario : Robbie won't sit still in his maths class, disrupts other
students.
Funny Mathematics 6 for 9

1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best with a cane by the
Principal. He returns to class, sits still and thinks twice about
disrupting class again.

2014 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for
ADHD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets
extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.

Mathematics of MarriageFunny Mathematics

  1. Smart man + smart woman = romance
  2. Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
  3. Dumb man + smart woman = affair
  4. Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
  5. Smart boss + smart employee = profit
  6. Smart boss + dumb
    employee = production
  7. Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
  8. Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

710 - New Female Math

Yesterday I was having some work done on my car at
the Ford dealer.  While I was talking to Bert, the mechanic, a woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.... We all looked at each other, and the Bert asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little
piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.'

710 - New female maths

Bert gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She
drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right
there.'

Check the logic of this female math 710,
answer ....

Footnote:
Please send us your funny maths jokes.

See more funny science jokes, biology, physics and
chemistry
humour.


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