Will and Guy are both qualified schoolteachers - History and Science

respectively - what we have found is there are three kinds of mathematicians;

those who can count and those who can't.

Contents

### Mathematical Humour

- Funny Maths Jokes
- Five Fabulous Fun Math

Quotes - Five Fun Facts and Maths

Trivia - Funny Historical

Truths

### Five Fabulous Fun Math Quotes

- Trigonometry is a sine of the times.
- The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count

our blessings. - If there is a God, he's a great mathematician.
- The man ignorant of mathematics will be increasingly limited in

his grasp of the main forces of civilization. - If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in

your pocket and then giving Rover only two of them.

### Funny Maths Jokes

- A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his

homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks

it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for

aiding and abetting.His classmate calms him down: "Nobody

will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names

of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."

Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his

completed assignment to the classmate for copying.After the

deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all

the variables?"

"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a

function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it

to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the

timber of x+1..." - There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily

and those who can't... - Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their

functions. - 'What is Pi?'

A mathematician, 'Pi is the ratio of the

circumference of a circle to its diameter.'

A computer programmer,

'Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.'

A physicist, 'Pi is

3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005.'

An engineer, 'Pi is about 22/7.'A nutritionist, 'Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!'

See more Pi humour

here: - The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child.

One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad, 'Do you know, daddy,

what I've found out?'

'No.'

'The new baby will be Chinese!''What?'

'Yes. I've read in the paper that statistics shows

that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese.'

- A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a

position as Vice President in a large corporation. The hiring

committee asked them all the same last question:

The mathematician

was first. 'How much is 500 plus 500?', they asked, '1000.' he replied

without hesitation. 'Thank you,' they dismissed him.

Next came the

statistician. 'How much is 500 plus 500?' 'On the average, 1000 with

95 % confidence,' replied the statistician. 'Thank you,' they

dismissed him.

Thirdly appeared the accountant. 'How much is 500

plus 500?' 'What would you like it to be?' responded the accountant.

They hired the accountant. - Two Physicists were riding in a hot air balloon and were blown off

course sailing over a mountain trail, and were completely lost.

They spotted a jogger running on the trail and they shouted, 'Can you

tell us where we are?'

After a few minutes, the jogger yelled

back, 'You're up in a balloon.'

One physicist said to the other,

'Just our luck to run into a mathematician'.

'How do you know he

was a mathematician?' asked the other.

'Well, in the first place he

took a long time to answer; second, his answer was 100% correct and

third, it was totally useless.' - A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a

street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on

the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the

house.

Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the

house.

The Physicist, 'The measurement wasn't accurate'.

The

Biologists conclusion, 'They have reproduced'.

The Mathematician,

'If now, exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty

again.' - If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice

as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? - A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 and revealed

that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

**What is Maths?**

Mr Robbins, the math teacher asked his student, 'What is the full

form of Maths, Rebecca?'

Rebecca answered calmly, 'Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing

Students.'

**Appendix
**Why do Americans call it Math?

Yet the older generations of British refer to this subject as Maths?

Could it be because despite the ravages of age, we can still perform

multiple maths calculations in our heads, because they were drummed

into us 50 years ago?

### Five Fun Facts and Maths

Trivia

- There are 2,598,960 five-card hands possible in a 52-card deck of

cards. - The largest prime number is 13,395 digits long; more than the

number of atoms in the universe. - A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
- If you add up the numbers1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 and so

on ...) the total is 5050 - 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Decimals

have a point.

### Maths Class of 1958 v

Class of 2014

Scenario : Robbie won't sit still in his maths class, disrupts other

students.

1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best with a cane by the

Principal. He returns to class, sits still and thinks twice about

disrupting class again.

2014 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for

ADHD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets

extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.

### Mathematics of Marriage

- Smart man + smart woman = romance
- Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
- Dumb man + smart woman = affair
- Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
- Smart boss + smart employee = profit
- Smart boss + dumb

employee = production - Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
- Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

### 710 - New Female Math

Yesterday I was having some work done on my car at

the Ford dealer. While I was talking to Bert, the mechanic, a woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.... We all looked at each other, and the Bert asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little

piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.'

Bert gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She

drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right

there.'

Check the logic of this female math 710,

answer ....

**Footnote:**

Please send us your funny maths jokes.

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