Commandments for Women During the Football World Cup
- WFE - The
Women for a Football-free England
- The Offside Rule
Explained for the Ladies
Commandments for Women During the Football World Cup
(+10 Rules of the WFE)
Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends,
fiancées, mothers, sisters and daughters.
- From 11th June until 11th July 2010, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping
trips will be cancelled for a month.
- If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in the beers, I don't
mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.
- During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you get the flavour of the football season
- During the games I will be blinkered to match. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the
telephone, it wont happen.
- It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things
to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game
that I missed during the day.
- Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say '
get over it, its only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called '
words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce.
- The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I
seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
- Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
I will not
go, I will not go, and I will not go.
However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
- You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. The daily
football season highlights show on TV every night
is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even say '
but you have already seen this...why don't
you change the channel to something we can all watch?
- And finally, please save your expressions such as: 'Thank God the football season is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian
League, Spanish League.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Let It Be Said That Will and Guy Don't
Give Both Sides of the Case
- Men steal precious broadcast time.
- Men ignore us, pay attention no more to our needs.
- Men are unable to
- Men pay attention only to the ball.
- Men all of a sudden seem to think they know all about everything.
- Men grow ugly watching football.
- Romantic getaways have been replaced by jeering
and other loutish and boorish behaviour over 22 men who have nothing better to do than running around on a field, kicking a ball back and forth for no apparent reason. Is that what separates us from the
- We women are being deluged with all things white and red! Enough already!
- It has to be put to an end.
- Here and now.
- It has gone too far.
- The fun of it has worn off already.
- We cannot
be silent any longer: love forgives only so much!
- The WFE speaks for those who are afraid to speak.
- The WFE stands up for those who can't
- The WFE takes a stand on behalf of all.
- It will be hard fought and the road ahead is long. But we know that we shall be supported in our struggle.
- We are not alone.
- We will not be left offside any longer.
- From now on, we Vinnie Jones the
opponent and don't
play for the ball anymore!
- Once and for all, stop the football season!'
Collen Rooney & Posh Vickie
The WFE 10 Rules
- Stop the football season: abolish the tournament, now and forever.
- We will not tolerate to be left in the offside position any longer.
- Grass is for cows.
- A ball in the house = A ball
- Each and every hour of televised football will have to be compensated with two hours of Sex and the City / Friends / Desperate Housewives. Prime Time.
- The WFE will use any means
necessary to publicise its views: demonstrations, public stunts, petitions... We don't
exclude any measure.
- Each goal scored by England will have to be compensated with one afternoon of shopping. At
- Watching the games with your mates down local boozer will have to be followed by a breakfast served in bed the next morning. For which you will
be clean, shaven and sober.
- All remote controls in the house are subject to WFE's
- In case of breach of one or several of these rules, we will leave you!
Picture this: you're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.
Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has
seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The
shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so,
you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other
shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to push in front of the other shopper.
The Laws of Football:
At one point during a football (soccer) match in America, the coach said to one of his young players, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'
The little boy nodded in the affirmative. '
understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?'
The little boy nodded yes.
'So, 'the coach continued, 'When offside is given, or a foul is not seen, you don't
argue or swear or attack the
referee. Do you understand all that?'
Again the little boy nodded.
'Good, 'said the coach, 'Now go over there and explain it to your mother.'
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