In this section we feature football
jokes, quotes and strange but true stories.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.  It’s
like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Soccer Origin

The word soccer is derived from an abbreviation of association as in – Association Football.  In 1890 it was spelt variously as socca and socker.   One day Charles Wreford-Brown was leaving
his digs, dressed in sporting togs, when his friend enquired ‘
where are you off?’
I’m off to play football’
Charles said.

‘Association or Rugger’
the friend asked. ‘Why Soccer of course’
said Charles Wreford-Brown as jogged off to the game.

Bear in mind that in this era upper class sportsman had a fad of
adding ‘er’
to everything.  Rugby became rugger and socca became soccer.  Incidentally, my favourite example of this patois is Pragger Wagger, a slang word for the Prince of Wales (Later Edward VII).

Here are examples from our football pages

Players Quotes

  • I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my
    fault, but 9 of which were disputable. ‘
    Paul Gascoigne

  • ‘I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. ‘
    Stuart Pearce

  • I’d like to play for an Italian
    club, like Barcelona. ‘
    Mark Draper

  • If you don’t

    concede any goals you’
    ll win more games than you lose. ‘
    Wayne Bridge

  • I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body’
    (Winston Bennett)

  • See more players Quotes


Franz Beckenbauer = The Kaiser (Led West Germany and Bayern Munich to many triumphs. A skilful and thoughtful player)

Stuart Pearce =
Psycho (Would run through a brick wall for his team)
See more nicknames

Commentary to look out for:

  • He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t
    like it – you can see it all over their faces’
    – Ron Atkinson
  • When Ian Rush transferred from Chester to Liverpool he said, ‘It was like moving to a foreign country’
    .  People only took notice of Ian’s
    views when he said a similar thing after he moved from
    Liverpool to Juventus. ‘I could not settle, it was like being in a foreign country’

  • Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds – totally against the run of play’
    (Peter Lorenzo)

  • What will you do when you leave football, Jack – will you stay in football?’
    STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live

See more Football stories and jokes:

2014 World Cup jokes   •
Footballer nicknames   •
Football bloopers   •
Funny footballer quotes

• Funny jokes
about football   •
Football jokes

Funny football pictures   •
Funny football stories

• Funny World Cup
• Football
women   •
Funny Super Bowl jokes
• Funny football photos