A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his
colleagues asked him how it had been. 'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he
said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in
- Comic Doctor Cartoons
- Funny Doctor Quotes
Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases
- Doctor Humour -
Keep Taking The Pills?
Plastic Surgeon Gossip
Funny Doctor Caricature
Who To Trust?
Doctor or Google?
If you trust Google more than your doctor than maybe it's time to switch
Jadelr and Cristina Cordova
- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care
three times a week.
- A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like
Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. Joan Rivers
- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed
to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
- The patient had
waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. Ronnie
- After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life
isn't for everyone'. - Larry Brown.
- See more funny medical quotes.
More Funny Doctor's Cartoons
Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step.
What should I do?'
Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just
- Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's
throwing my concentration off
- Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
- Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
See more doctor jokes
One morning, Arnie went to see
his doctor and told him that he hadn't
been feeling at all well. The doctor examined Arnie, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.
Looking at Arnie he says, 'Take the green pill
with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.'
Startled to be
put on so much medicine, the man stammered, 'L...........L.......L.........Lummee, Doc, exactly what is my problem?'
The doctor replied, 'Arnie, you're not drinking enough water.'
Doctors and Quacks
In Britain today, there are about 50,000 practitioners of alternative
medicine, but only about 30,000 qualified doctors.
Please write to Will and Guy if you have a funny doctor