Clean Women Jokes and Funny Pictures

Will and Guy’s collection of women, marriage, wedding and relationship jokes and associated funny pictures.

Clean Women Jokes and Stories

• Clean Women Jokes –> Start
• Marriage Jokes and One-liners
• Marriage Maths
• Mother-in-law Jokes
• Relationship Yarns
• Wedding Jokes
• Woman Should Know
• Women’s Golf Jokes
• (Clean Men Jokes)

Funny Woman Videos, Amusing PowerPoint Presentations

Interesting Clean Pictures for Women

• Catherinettes
• Make-up
• Make and Female Brains
• Marriage Bureau
• Wife Carrying Competition

Funny, But Clean Women Jokes

Why Women are Beautiful
Adam, is working in the  Garden of Eden, when the skies open up, and God appears spotlighted by a shaft of brilliant blue light.

God asks Adam how things were in the garden: ‘Fine thanks’ replies Adam.

‘God’, inquires Adam,
‘Why did you make Eve so beautiful?’
‘So you would love her.’ Said God

‘But why did you make her so dumb?’
‘So she would love you.’ Explained God.

Grass is Greener?
Diana, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, ‘Do you see that
couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?’

‘I would love to do that,’ replied Diana’s husband, ‘but the problem is……….she won’t let me.’

The Bathroom
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
from a hotel chain.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Sense of Direction?
Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.

‘It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,’ the friend observed. ‘But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit
Philadelphia?

‘Well,’ Mike interrupted, ‘we changed our plans because, uh……oh……..umm.’

Pauline spoke up, ‘Come on, Mike, tell him the truth.’

Mike fell silent and Pauline continued, ‘You know, it’s just stupid. Mike simply won’t ever ask for directions.’

Woman Driver
Magistrate: But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn’t you give her half the road?

Motorist: I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.

Husbands For Sale

Anne put an advertisement in the ‘classifieds’ : Husband Wanted.

Next day Anne received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing : You can have mine.

Toby and Andrea came upon a wishing well.

Andrea, with great alacrity, leaned over, took a deep breath, made a wish and threw in a penny.

Toby also decided to make a wish, but he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.

Andrea was stunned for a moment but then smiled, ‘It really works!’

Warning – Women’s Body Parts Move

Excerpt from a letter by Ms Peggy Legg

This is an explanation to those friends and family who have experienced mysterious switches of their body parts.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs.

Clean Women One-liners

• At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied,
  ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’
• My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Wise Words From ‘The Funny Sisterhood’

• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• My mind not only wanders – it sometimes leaves me completely.

More Tales About Men, Women and Marriage

(1) In a poll held in the USA, men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.

80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.

Interestingly, only 50% of the women said that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!

(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.

(3) ‘When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence.
Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.’
Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

Why We Split Up

My new wife Jenny told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit. Then I caught her spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don’t think Jenny’s coming back.

Funny Reason for Divorce

Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, ‘What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?’

Amy replied, ‘Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.’

‘No,’ Judge Jeffries continued, ‘I mean what is the foundation of this case?’
‘It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,’ responded Amy promptly.

‘I mean,’ he sighed, ‘What are your relations like?’
‘Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.’

Judge Jeffries asked, ‘Do you have a real grudge?’
‘No, we haven’t,’ Amy replied, ‘We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.’

‘Please,’ Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, ‘is there any infidelity in your marriage?’
‘Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,’ smiled Amy.

‘Ma’am,’ Judge Jeffries raised his voice, ‘does your husband ever beat you up?’
‘Oh yes,’ Amy responded, ‘about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.’

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, ‘Lady, why do you want a divorce?’
‘Oh, I don’t want a divorce,’ Amy replied. ‘I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with
me.’

Will and Guy’s Philosophy on Women Jokes

Collecting ‘Clean Women Jokes‘ is not easy.  In addition to avoiding smutty jokes we also have to combat objections from the ‘sexist’ camp.
We have stuck with our simple philosophy of collecting a mixture of clean, yet funny jokes, interspersed with thought provoking pictures and the odd story.