Contents
Here is our list of
ten computer commandments to pin to your wall, if
you have any extra laws of computing then do let us know.
- 10 Laws of Computing
- Guy's Alternative
10 Laws of Computing - Riley's Rule of
Software Demonstrations - Famous Computer Quotes
10 Laws of Computing
- If you have
reached the point where you really understand your computer, it's
probably obsolete. - When you are computing, if someone is watching, whatever happens,
behave as though you meant it to happen. - When the going gets tough, upgrade your computer.
- The first place to look for information is in the section of the
manual where you'd least expect to find it. - For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
- To err is human ... to blame your computer for your
mistakes is even more human, its downright natural. - He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
- The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
- A complex system that doesn'twork is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.
Guy's
Alternative 10 Laws of Computing
- The more acronyms on a page, the harder the topic is to understand.
- Inside every program is a small module struggling to find a life of its own.
- Developeritus. Developers get their
programs working perfectly on their machines, but they forget that their potential customers may have very different computer environments. - Computer project teams avoid monthly progress reporting because it demonstrates their lack of progress.
- Program complexity grows until it exceeds the abilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
- You will never solve any computer
problem if you are in a bad mood. - When troubleshooting computer
problems, people always assume that problem is the most obscure combination possible. Whereas, in reality the fault is invariably the simplest fault. - Every computer program expands to fill all the available memory.
- If a computer supplier says a part is interchangeable, for example tape drives - they lie.
- Remember that your computer makes as many mistakes in two pico seconds as fifty men working for a years.
Will and Guy's Law of Computing
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the
'Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Footnote:
Please send us your 10 laws of computing
Riley's Rule of Software
Demonstrations
The probability of failure of a software demonstration is directly
proportional to the product of the number of people attending and the
importance of the demo.
Corollary: demos to thousands of paying customers have a failure
probability in excess of 90%, even when, especially when, the demo worked
perfectly half an hour before the presentation. (See recent product launches
by Apple and Microsoft for instances when failure probability has approached
100%.)
Famous Computer Quotes
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers'
- Thomas Watson, IBM,
1943
'32 bits ought to be enough address space'
- Vint Cerf, 1977
(While IPv4 has survived for 30 years, IPv6 is just around the corner)
'640K should be enough for anybody'
- Bill Gates, 1981
In this world there are 10* types of people, those that know binary and
those who don't. * (one zero)
New Old Computing Sayings
- The Internet has changed everything, even these tried and true
traditional sayings: - Wherever I lay my @, that's my home.
- The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.
- A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
- Great groups from little icons grow.
- Speak softly and carry a cell phone.
- Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
- Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
- The modem is the message.
- The geek shall inherit the earth.
- A chat has nine lives.
- Don't byte off more than you can view.
- Fax is stranger than fiction.
- What boots up must come down.
- Windows will never cease.
- In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
- The words of the Prophets are written on the Facebook wall.
- Virtual reality is its own reward.
- Modulation in all things.
- There's no place like home dot com.
- Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.
- Speed thrills.
- A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
Footnote:
Please send us your funny laws of
computing.