Computer Jokes – 10 Laws of Computing

Here is our list of
ten computer commandments to pin to your wall, if
you have any extra laws of computing then do let us know.

• 10 Laws of Computing
• Guy's Alternative
  10 Laws of Computing
• Riley's Rule of
  Software Demonstrations
• Famous Computer Quotes

10 Laws of Computing

1. If you have
   reached the point where you really understand your computer, it's
   probably obsolete.
2. When you are computing, if someone is watching, whatever happens,
   behave as though you meant it to happen.
3. When the going gets tough, upgrade your computer.
4. The first place to look for information is in the section of the
   manual where you'd least expect to find it.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human ... to blame your computer for your
   mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.
7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
9. A complex system that doesn'twork is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

Guy's
Alternative 10 Laws of Computing

1. The more acronyms on a page, the harder the topic is to understand.
2. Inside every program is a small module struggling to find a life of its own.
3. Developeritus.  Developers get their
   programs working perfectly on their machines, but they forget that their potential customers may have very different computer environments.
4. Computer project teams avoid monthly progress reporting because it demonstrates their lack of progress.
5. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the abilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
6. You will never solve any computer
   problem if you are in a bad mood.
7. When troubleshooting computer
   problems, people always assume that problem is the most obscure combination possible.  Whereas, in reality the fault is invariably the simplest fault.
8. Every computer program expands to fill all the available memory.
9. If a computer supplier says a part is interchangeable, for example tape drives - they lie.
10. Remember that your computer makes as many mistakes in two pico seconds as fifty men working for a years.

Footnote:
Please send us your 10 laws of computing

Riley's Rule of Software
Demonstrations

The probability of failure of a software demonstration is directly
proportional to the product of the number of people attending and the
importance of the demo.

Corollary: demos to thousands of paying customers have a failure
probability in excess of 90%, even when, especially when, the demo worked
perfectly half an hour before the presentation. (See recent product launches
by Apple and Microsoft for instances when failure probability has approached
100%.)

Famous Computer Quotes

'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers'
- Thomas Watson, IBM,
1943

'32 bits ought to be enough address space'
- Vint Cerf, 1977
(While IPv4 has survived for 30 years, IPv6 is just around the corner)

'640K should be enough for anybody'
- Bill Gates, 1981

In this world there are 10* types of people, those that know binary and
those who don't.  * (one zero)

New Old Computing Sayings

• The Internet has changed everything, even these tried and true
  traditional sayings:
• Wherever I lay my @, that's my home.
• The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.
• A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
• Great groups from little icons grow.
• Speak softly and carry a cell phone.
• Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
• Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
• The modem is the message.
• The geek shall inherit the earth.
• A chat has nine lives.
• Don't byte off more than you can view.
• Fax is stranger than fiction.
• What boots up must come down.
• Windows will never cease.
• In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
• The words of the Prophets are written on the Facebook wall.
• Virtual reality is its own reward.
• Modulation in all things.
• There's no place like home dot com.
• Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.
• Speed thrills.
• A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny laws of
computing.