- Will's 10 Favourite Witty Quotes
- Guy's 10 Favourite Witty Quotes
- 10 More Short Witty Quotes
- Famous Sayings - Quotes from Famous Authors
Sponsored Links
∇Will's 10 Favourite Witty Funny Quotes
- I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. - Helen Keller
- People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. - Bob Dylan
- Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. - William James
- The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. - Anonymous.
- Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix
- Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Unknown, but often attributed to Albert Camus
- The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values. - Norman Thomas
- Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame. - Bertrand Russell
- Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
- I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
Guy's 10 Favourite Witty and Funny Quotes
- Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
- Coffee isn't my cup of tea. - Samuel Goldwyn
- I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
- I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? - Paul Merton
- At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. - Patrick Moore
- Operator! Give me the number for 911. - Homer Simpson
- I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde
- Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? - George W Bush
- I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said, 'No, Six should be enough.' - Les Dawson
- My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. - Paul Getty
10 More Short Witty Quotes
- Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. - Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
- Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain.
- I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome
- It takes a long time to grow an old friend. - John Leonard
- There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. - Benjamin Franklin
- I think; therefore I am. - Rene Descartes
- I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. - Ellen DeGeneres
- It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. - Voltaire
- A drunk is in front of a judge. The judge says, 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says, 'Okay, let's get started.' - Henny Youngman
- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine". - Tommy Cooper.
Famous Sayings - Quotes from Famous Authors
Here is a list of witty and funny quotes. I truly believe that amongst these famous sayings there is a maxim or a proverb for any every occasion. The authors of these quotations is often a surprise, for example:Witty Funny Quote | Famous Author |
The past does not equal the future. | Anthony Robbins |
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. | Henry Ford |
Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. | Winston Churchill |
Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. | Bill Gates |
640K ought to be enough for anybody. | Bill Gates |
The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm. | Swedish proverb |
Imagination is more important than knowledge... | Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) |
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. | Albert Einstein |
Don't find fault - find a remedy. | Henry Ford |
It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others. | Nehru |
Flaming enthusiasm, backed by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. | Dale Carnegie |
I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. | Donald Trump |
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage. | Victor Kiam - Remmington |
In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running, if you stand still, they will swallow you | Victor Kiam |
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. | Victor Kiam |
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. | IBM 1943 |
There are only two types of users, those who have lost data, OR those who are going to lose data. | Anonymous |
There is no such thing as failure - only results. | Anonymous |
Ask the experienced rather than the learned. | Anonymous |
The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. | Anonymous |
Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards. | Anonymous |
A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. | Anonymous |
Prevention is better than cure. | Anonymous |
I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. | Ashleigh Brilliant |
Funny Christmas Quotes Funny Thanksgiving Quotes |