Here is Will and Guy's collection of short quotes from famous people.
- Will's 10
Favourite Witty Quotes - Guy's 10
Favourite Witty Quotes - 10 More Short Witty Quotes
- Famous Sayings - Quotes from Famous Authors
Contents
Will's 10 Favourite Witty Funny Quotes
- I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the
understanding which bringeth peace. - Helen Keller - People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is
convenient, and then repent. - Bob Dylan - Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. - William James
- The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. - Anonymous.
- Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix
- Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I
may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Unknown, but
often attributed to Albert Camus - The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold
them in the right scale of values. - Norman Thomas - Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get
the blame. - Bertrand Russell - Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and
I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein - I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
Guy's 10 Favourite
Witty and Funny Quotes
- Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog
it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx - Coffee isn't my cup of tea. - Samuel Goldwyn
- I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep
the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor - I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly
mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records.
What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do
they know who your dentist is? - Paul Merton - At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look
at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. -
Patrick Moore - Operator! Give me the number for 911. - Homer Simpson
- I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're
twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde - Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? - George
W Bush - I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My
neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said, 'No, Six should be
enough.' - Les Dawson - My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
- Paul Getty
10 More Short Witty Quotes
- Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. - Voltaire
on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan. - Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain.
- I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. -
Jerome K. Jerome - It takes a long time to grow an old friend. - John Leonard
- There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready
money. - Benjamin Franklin - I think; therefore I am. - Rene Descartes
- I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls
me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. - Ellen DeGeneres - It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. - Voltaire
- A drunk is in front of a judge. The judge says, 'You've been brought
here for drinking.' The drunk says, 'Okay, let's get started.' - Henny
Youngman - You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine". -
Tommy Cooper.
Famous Sayings - Quotes from Famous Authors
Here is a list of witty and funny quotes. I truly believe that amongst these famous sayings there is a
maxim or a proverb for any every occasion.
The authors of these
quotations is often a surprise,
for example:
Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.
Bill Gates
Witty Funny Quote |
Famous Author |
The past does not equal the future. |
Anthony Robbins |
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. |
Henry Ford |
Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. |
Winston Churchill |
Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. |
Bill Gates |
640K ought to be enough for anybody. |
Bill Gates |
The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm. |
Swedish proverb |
Imagination is more important than knowledge... |
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) |
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. |
Albert Einstein |
Don't |
Henry Ford |
It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others. |
Nehru |
Flaming enthusiasm, backed by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. |
Dale Carnegie |
I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. |
Donald Trump |
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to |
Victor Kiam - Remmington |
In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running, if you stand still, they will swallow you |
Victor Kiam |
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. |
Victor Kiam |
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. |
IBM 1943 |
There are only two types of users, those who have lost data, OR those who are going to lose data. |
Anonymous |
There is no such thing as failure - only results. |
Anonymous |
Ask the experienced rather than the learned. |
Anonymous |
The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. |
Anonymous |
Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards. |
Anonymous |
A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. |
Anonymous |
Prevention is better than cure. |
Anonymous |
I don't | Ashleigh Brilliant |
Funny Christmas Quotes Funny |
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