Windows 8 Jokes

They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic
messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install
Windows 8.

• Windows 8 Joke Error
  Messages
• Funny Windows 8 Error Codes
• Mouse Problem?
• Windows 8 Logon Problem
• Television v Windows 8

Windows Joke

Customer: How much does Windows 8 cost?

Tech Support: Windows costs about $300.

Customer: Oh, that's kind of expensive.
Can I buy just one window?

Windows 8 Store

I drove to the new Microsoft store at Yorkdale in Toronto yesterday. Nice
looking store, all out in the open in the center of the mall, solid glass
front from floor to ceiling. I could not find the door to get in, yet there
were obviously lots of Microtechies inside all gesturing me silently me to
come in. But not one of them gave me a hint of how.

I went home and read the Windows 8 website. Turns out I was supposed to
select any one corner of the store and hover at least 2 inches up for 2
seconds and the glass panel slid upwards. Hey Bill, nice move!
[Kindly sent in by Bob Lepp]

Windows 8 Joke Error Messages

Five favourite error messages that were trialled during the
development of the Windows 8 operating system:

1. Smash forehead firmly on keyboard to continue.
2. Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit .
3. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
4. Close your eyes and press 'escape' three times.
5. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

A Fun Story: Windows 8 Engineer Has Good Idea

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical
engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three
engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the
car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical
engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is
becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up
with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back
in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work.'

Replacement Windows - An Alternative Funny Story

Last year I replaced 8 windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.

There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never
called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Guide for Computer Techie Drinkers

Capacity of whisky in litres, IT style:

0.10 L (litre) - Demo version
0.25 L - Trial version
0.50 L -
Personal edition
0.70 L - Professional edition
1.00 L - Network
edition
1.75 L - Enterprise
3.00 L - For small business
5.00 L -
Corporate edition
Bucket of whisky - Extreme edition
Sea of whisky -
Global edition
Moonshine whisky - Home edition

Assorted Add-ons:

• "One more" - Service pack
• Irish coffee - Recovery tool
• Appetizer - Plugins
• Beer - Patch
• Coca-cola, fanta, 7-UP - Trojan viruses.

Funny Windows 8 Error Codes

A mole at Microsoft recently reported these Windows 8 error messages.

Windows 8 Error: 001 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play
another game?

Windows 8 Error:
002 No Error - Check again in 10 seconds

Windows 8 Error: 003 Broken window.
Path not found -
phone Glazier

Windows 8 Error: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong (just testing)

Windows 8 Error:
005 Multitasking attempted - System confused

Windows 8 Error: 006 Kelvin error: Type Mismatch
- phone Kevlar

Windows 8 Error: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware

Windows 8 Error: 008 Invalid property assignment. Promotional literature overflow
- Mailbox full

Windows 8 Error: 009 Unexplained error - Please tell us how this
happened

Windows 8 Error: 00E Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been
installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

Mouse Problem?

Touch and Go

Computer Mouse Jokes

Here  are sneaky Windows 8 jokes that people with too much time on their
hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.

• Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
• Variation of this idea.  Unplug the original mouse.  Plug
  in a fake mouse.  When they check the connection it seems to be
  working.  One from Dr Devious.

Windows 8 Logon Problem

Television -v- Windows 8

Television is better than Windows 8. Who would have thunk it? But it's
true! Check this out! Here are the Top Ten Reasons why Television is Better
than Windows 8

1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV
   channels.
2. When was the last time you tuned in to "American Idol" and got a
   "Error 404" message?
3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV, even on MTV.
   
4. You can go channel-surfing on the TV as much as you want and it will
   never get viruses.
5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
6.  Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with a "Blue
   Screen" sign.
7. "Law and Order" never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
8. You just can't find those cool "Hits of the 80s" infomercials on
   Windows 8.
9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
10. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and
    Doritos in the other.

So happy channel surfing!

Steve Jobs
Goes to Heaven and Skypes Bill Gates

Footnote:
Please send us your Windows 8 jokes