They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic
messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install
- Windows 8 Joke Error
- Funny Windows 8 Error Codes
- Mouse Problem?
- Windows 8 Logon Problem
- Television v Windows 8
Customer: How much does Windows 8 cost?
Tech Support: Windows costs about $300.
Customer: Oh, that's kind of expensive.
Can I buy just one window?
Windows 8 Store
I drove to the new Microsoft store at Yorkdale in Toronto yesterday. Nice
looking store, all out in the open in the center of the mall, solid glass
front from floor to ceiling. I could not find the door to get in, yet there
were obviously lots of Microtechies inside all gesturing me silently me to
come in. But not one of them gave me a hint of how.
I went home and read the Windows 8 website. Turns out I was supposed to
select any one corner of the store and hover at least 2 inches up for 2
seconds and the glass panel slid upwards. Hey Bill, nice move!
[Kindly sent in by Bob Lepp]
Five favourite error messages that were trialled during the
development of the Windows 8 operating system:
- Smash forehead firmly on keyboard to continue.
- Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit .
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
- Close your eyes and press 'escape' three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Tech Support: Do you have Windows 8 open right now?
Customer: Are you crazy? It's -20C outside ...
A Fun Story: Windows 8 Engineer Has Good Idea
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical
engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three
engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the
car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical
engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is
becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up
with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back
in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work.'
Last year I replaced 8 windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
Guide for Computer Techie Drinkers
Capacity of whisky in litres, IT style:
0.10 L (litre) - Demo version
0.25 L - Trial version
0.50 L -
0.70 L - Professional edition
1.00 L - Network
1.75 L - Enterprise
3.00 L - For small business
5.00 L -
Bucket of whisky - Extreme edition
Sea of whisky -
Moonshine whisky - Home edition
- "One more" - Service pack
- Irish coffee - Recovery tool
- Appetizer - Plugins
- Beer - Patch
- Coca-cola, fanta, 7-UP - Trojan viruses.
A mole at Microsoft recently reported these Windows 8 error messages.
Windows 8 Error: 001 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play
Windows 8 Error:
002 No Error - Check again in 10 seconds
Windows 8 Error: 003 Broken window.
Path not found -
Windows 8 Error: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong (just testing)
Windows 8 Error:
005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
Windows 8 Error: 006 Kelvin error: Type Mismatch
- phone Kevlar
Windows 8 Error: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
Windows 8 Error: 008 Invalid property assignment. Promotional literature overflow
- Mailbox full
Windows 8 Error: 009 Unexplained error - Please tell us how this
Windows 8 Error: 00E Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been
installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
Touch and Go
Customer: I have
a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Computer Mouse Jokes
Here are sneaky Windows 8 jokes that people with too much time on their
hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.
- Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
- Variation of this idea. Unplug the original mouse. Plug
in a fake mouse. When they check the connection it seems to be
working. One from Dr Devious.
Customer: My 13 year-old daughter has put a password
on my Windows 8 computer and I can't get in.
Advisor: Has she forgotten it?
she just won't tell me it because I've grounded her.
Television is better than Windows 8. Who would have thunk it? But it's
true! Check this out! Here are the Top Ten Reasons why Television is Better
than Windows 8
- It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV
- When was the last time you tuned in to "American Idol" and got a
"Error 404" message?
- There are fewer grating color schemes on TV, even on MTV.
- You can go channel-surfing on the TV as much as you want and it will
never get viruses.
- A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
- Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with a "Blue
- "Law and Order" never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
- You just can't find those cool "Hits of the 80s" infomercials on
- Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
- You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and
Doritos in the other.
So happy channel surfing!
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