VirusScan 1.0 - 'Windows 7 found: Remove it? (Y/N)'
Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
The following are new messages that Microsoft have introduced
with Windows 7:
- This will end your Windows 7 session. Do you want to play another game?
- Kennel stack overflow problem. Your new Patch is now available. Call at the vet's and collect your dog.
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
- Suggested Action. Emigrate.
- Upon completion of this investigation, Microsoft will take action to help solve your problem. This will involve remote execution of the user.
- The media is corrupt. Therefore, don't read the manual - bribe a reporter.
- Windows Update Service Problem. Waitress is sick.
- A problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
- Path not found. Try the grass shortcut.
- An operations error occurred. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
- Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.
- Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
- Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
- Windows 7 object doesn't support this property or method. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- User Error: Replace user.
- No network provider accepted the given network path. In plain English, we have not got a clue what's wrong.
- Windows 7 message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
- 'Known issue' - it's just the solution that is unknown.
- This network connection does not exist, and neither does any help.
- This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
- Object already non-existent. Are you sure you still want to delete? (N/N)
- The network location cannot be reached. To 'shutdown' your system, type 'WIN.'
- COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
- CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- Windows7_error 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
- Workaround. The workaround does not work, but it makes us fell better to include it.
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 - 'Windows7 found: Remove it? (Y/N)'
- Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
- If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
- Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
- We are reading your error report, but we are not understanding.
- Hold down
the Numb Lock. Phone 555-1212-4590 and ask for Lulu.
- You can provide feedback by completing the form. However, you are wasting your time because it goes to a sink account that we never read.
- Disclaimer: We would like to thank Bart Simpson, who had the least to do with these solutions and was therefore of the most help.
Recently our fiend 'Mad' Mick uncovered these Windows 7 error codes when he intercepted a Microsoft's internal memo:
Windows7_Error: 001 Windows 7 loaded - Warning your computer is now in danger
002 No Error - Check again in 10 seconds
Windows7_Error: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
Windows7_Error: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong (just testing)
005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
Windows7_Error: 006 Kelvin error: Type Mismatch - phone Kevlar
Windows7_Error: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
Windows7_Error: 008 Broken window.
Path not found -
Windows7_Error: 009 Horrible bug encountered - Press F13 for more help
Windows7_Error: 00A Invalid property assignment. Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
Windows7_Error: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at
Windows7_Error: 00C Memory hog error - More RAM needed. More! More! More!
Windows7_Error: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
Windows7_Error: 00E Unexplained error - Please tell us how this
Windows7_Error: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
Windows7_Error: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
Windows7_Error: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
Windows7_Error: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
Windows7_Error: 01A Operating
system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
Windows7_Error: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
Windows7_Error: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
Windows7_Error: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
Windows7_Error: 012 Virus error - A virus
has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will be closed automatically and the virus will be reactivated.
Windows7_Error: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
Windows7_Error: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.
Windows7_Error: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse
driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
Windows7_Error: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next error will not be displayed or recorded.
Windows7_Error: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows7_Error: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
Windows7_Error: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 5,000 Gigawatts available
Please send us your funny Windows 7 error codes
Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems.
Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q: How many Microsoft support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of
system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong ... have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight: one to work the
bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb
works fine on the system in my office ...
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a
A: One, but he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it
for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.
Please send us your funny Windows 7 jokes,