Paralympic Jokes

The London Olympics Trivia

Will and Guy present their collection of funny paralympic jokes.

Blind Crossing

Algie is showing two young American girls around Soho in London and they stop at a Pelican crossing.  Algie presses the button and 10 seconds later the pedestrian signal goes 'bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep....' 'Whats that for?' asked one of the girls. 'Oh thats just to let the blind know that the lights have changed' said the bloke.  'My Gaad' she said, really shocked, 'in the States we don't even let them drive...'

Paralympians Disqualified

5 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralypic games after they tested positive for WD40.

Olympic Games Myths Olympic Myths

Pelops, a prince from Lydia sought the hand of the daughter of King Oinomaos of Pisa, namely Hippodamia. Oinomaos had declared that his daughter's suitors should compete with him in a chariot race; winning it he gets Hippodamia as his wife; but on losing it, he would be beheaded. Pelops with his charioteer Myrtilos secretly replaced the bronze linchpins of the King's chariot with wax linchpins. During the race, the wax melted and Oinomaos was thrown from his chariot and died. Pelops and Hippodamia got married and Pelops celebrated his victory with the Olympic Games. According to another myth, poet Pindar, in his Olympian Ode, tells the tale of how King Augeas of Elis reneged on his promise to reward Herakles for cleaning his stables. Herakles attacked and sacked Elis and started the Olympic Games in honour of his father Zeus.

Humorous and Funny Tales from Olympics Past and Present

  1. At the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, Germany, Dora Ratjen competed in the women's high jump.In 1957 Ratjen came forward with an incredible account: he was in fact a man [named Hermann] who had been forced by the Nazi Youth Movement to masquerade as a woman in an attempt to steal a medal in the games. Alas, the ploy failed - when Ratjen was placed fourth.
  2. During the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games, although China fielded a magnificent team of gymnasts, one of their greatest hopes, Yun Leu, scored a low 9.20 on the pommel horse exercise. 'Suit too big,' Yun later explained. 'Grabbed pants instead of pommel.'
  3. At the 1976 Olympics in Montreal, Olmeus Charles from Haiti was last by the largest margin ever recorded. He set an all-time record for the 10,000 metres race. Giving the crowd tremendous value for money, he completed the course in 42 minutes 00.11 seconds.Everyone lapped him at least three times and the winner finished so far ahead he would have had time to complete another 5,000 metres. An argument broke out among the track officials as to whether he should be allowed to finish the course. Happily, the crowd were not denied this fine sight and the entire Olympic timetable was held up by fourteen minutes. What Olympian spirit we say!
  4. David Cameron is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics.Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter. On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.' An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, 'Prime Minister, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that.'
  5. In 1928 Australian rower, Henry Pearce, stopped halfway through his quarter-final race to let a family of ducks pass in front of his boat.  The French competition overtook him, but Pearce managed to get back in front and win the gold.
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London Olympic LegoOlympic Myths

A man has spent 300 painstaking hours building a replica of the London 2012 Olympic Park out of Lego. Warren Elsmore used about 250,000 bricks to create the venues and structures including Anish Kapoor's Orbit, the Aquatics Centre and the Olympic Stadium. The model can be viewed at the Danish Village in St Katherine Docks until 12th August.

London 2012 Olympic 50p Coins

The 29 designs show Olympic and Paralympic sports London Olympics 2012 50p Coins New 50 pence coins commemorating the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games have been launched. The coins each feature one of 29 sports on the reverse and have been designed by people from England and Wales. The designers range from a Manchester policeman and a delivery driver from Reading to a bank clerk from Preston and a Bristol schoolgirl. They share the honour of seeing their designs come into circulation and also knowing that, like every UK coin in general use, it has been approved by the Queen and the Treasury. The 50 pence pieces feature well-known sports such as sailing, swimming and basketball, but also lesser-known disciplines including handball and the Paralympic sport boccia.

See more on Olympic Games stamps

Footnote Please send us your funny Paralympic jokes.

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