International HumourThis humour comes from a research project on 'funny jokes' conducted by the British Association for the Advancement of Science.
USA:Texan: 'Where are you from?' Harvard graduate: 'I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.' Texan: 'OK, where in California do you come from, Jackass?'
Canada:You know you're from Canada when ........
- You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You find -40C a little chilly.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You choose a Halloween costume which fits over a snowsuit.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 3 pages for hockey.
- You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
- You perk up when you hear theme from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
Jokes From All Over The World
Australia:What do you call a woman who can balance 8 beers on her head? Beatrix.
Europe:An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: 'Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.' The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, 'There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price.' 'But,' the dog replied, 'that would make no sense at all.'
Belgium:'Well, you see, there are basically three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those that can't.'
France:'You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions?' 'Absolutely! What's the second question?'
Sweden:'A guy phones the local hospital and yells, 'You've gotta send help! My wife's in labour!' The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?' He replies, 'No! This is her husband!'
- The French Government announced yesterday that it is imposing a ban on fireworks at Disneyland. The decision comes after the nightly firework display at the park, located just 50 Km outside of Paris, France caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Russian tourists.
- In Los Angeles, a history teacher is in a lot of trouble for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Afghanistan. The principal was furious and said, 'Telling kids to oppose the war is the French teacher's job.'
- A sign seen in the window of a shop in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. It reads: 'The bargain basement...is on the first floor.'