Kids can be delightful especially at Christmas. Here are Will and Guy's collection of clean but funny stories and jokes. We have tried to choose humour that appeal to both children and adults.
Funny Christmas Kids Stories
- Don't Try This at Home
- Christmas Party and Disco
- Trust Me
- Spelling Odds
- Religious Christmas Jokes
- Funny Christmas Statistics
- Funny Christmas Kids Songs
The Girl Knows What She WantsSanta is accustomed to kids bringing their lists with them when they visit him. But one little girl really knew what she wanted and how to get it The girl, about 6 years old and dressed in her frilliest dress, sat on Santa's lap and proceeded to read more than 20 items off of her list - everything from Barbie's and dolls to a particular brand of baby carriage. As the little girl reached the end of her list, she turned to Santa and said, 'If you can't bring all of this, don't worry. My daddy will give it to me.' 'Do you want to give me the list?' Santa asked. 'No, I think I should keep it for my daddy,' she replied. Santa, Will and Guy both agreed. See more Children with Santa tales.
Religious Christmas JokesWill and Guy have chosen these funny religious jokes with care. We feel that they don't offend those with a Christian belief, yet they will amuse children at Christmas time. It's said in religious circles that it's a shame that the devil has all the best tunes. Fortunately, when it comes to funny Christmas jokes, the devil does not have things all his own way.
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck See more funny Christmas quotes.
Bible StudyRosalie, my little granddaughter came home from Sunday School, and I asked her what they had been studying. Rosalie answered, 'When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.' 'Very interesting', I said, 'what else did you learn?' She replied was, 'Nothing.' So I asked her, 'Didn't you study Jesus?' Rosalie replied, 'No, he wasn't even there.'
- For those mothers who have children - and don't know it, we have a crèche downstairs.
- Remember in prayer for Christmas the many who are sick of our church and community.
- Tonight's Advent sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice.
Here Are More Stories From Our Christmas Website for Children
Here is the 11th Commandment
Reginald's New Year DietReginald was terribly overweight after Christmas, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds, 'his doctor assured him. When Reginald returned he shocked his doctor by having lost almost twenty pounds. 'Why, that's amazing, 'the doctor said, greatly impressed, 'You certainly must have followed my instructions.' Reginald nodded, 'I'll tell you what though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day.' 'Why, from hunger?' asked his doctor. 'No, from all that skipping.'
- There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the USA, and one Kriss Kringle.
- December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
- The weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons [approx. says Guy].
- Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333 ton sleigh: 214,206, plus Rudolph.
- To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound.
- At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flames instantaneously thinks Will.
- The average British child will open 18 presents on Christmas morning, worth £330 [$600USD] according to a survey.
- Of the presents received, one in 10 will be broken by the New Year, only 40% will make it to March and just a quarter will be intact by next Xmas.
- In total around 46 million of kids toys, worth £870m will be thrown away worldwide.
- See more of our funniest Christmas jokes.
When Santa Got Stuck Up the ChimneyWhen Santa got stuck up the chimney, He began to shout, You girls and boys, Won't get any toys, If you don't pull me out. There's soot on my back, And my beard is all black, My nose is tickling too, When Santa got stuck up the chimney, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo! Was on the eve before Christmas Day, When Santa Claus arrived on his sleigh, Into the chimney he climbed with his sack, But he was so fat - he couldn't get back. Oh, what a terrible plight, gangway, He stayed up there all night. When Santa got stuck up the chimney, He began to yell. Oh hurry, please, It's all such a squeeze, The reindeer's stuck as well! His head's up there in the cold night air, Now Rudolph's nose is BLUE! When Santa got stuck up the chimney, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, ACHOO! When Will and Guy were young a favourite funny Christmas song was: 'When Santa got stuck up the chimney.' Here we present it to you for your enjoyment. Video of song can be found here
It's sung to the same tune as Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat.
Christmas is going. The Christmas tree's gone thin. So scoop up its needles and throw them in the bin.
The bin is overflowing; what are the binmen like? They've left behind the rubbish and took the kids new bikes.