Funny Christmas Cats Pictures Stories Jokes

Here is Will and Guy's selection of funny Christmas cat pictures, and
stories.  Some are amusing, while others induce that purring moment when you think of
felines at Christmas.

• Christmas Cat - or Cat
  for Christmas
• Santa Claws?
• Old Snow Cat and
  3 New Snow-Cats
• Christmas Cat Lesson
• A Charming, Short, Witty Cat Story For Christmas

Christmas Cat - Or A Cat for Christmas?

Santa Claws?

More Funny Cat Christmas Pictures

Old Snow Cat

Three
New Snow-Cats --->  Two Months Later!

Christmas Cat Lesson

When you drop a cat it ALWAYS lands on its feet.  However, when you
drop a piece of toast, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side down.
How about an experiment: strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a
cat. Now when you drop the cat it will hover, spinning inches above the
ground.   Your "buttered-cat array" could generate enough
electricity to power a Christmas tree.

Dunce's Corner for Christmas Cat?

A Charming, Short, Witty Cat Story For Christmas

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for
Christmas.  Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas
Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little
girl.

'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her
mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that
what you want?'

The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted.
There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it
has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw
on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all
in the middle of its paws!'

Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas
morning you'll find the claws are there.'

Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried d about the claws in
the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue
or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived
and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are
you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow?
There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling
as to claws as far as I can see.'

'Wait till you wake up on Xmas morning,' her mother smiled and
continued stuffing the turkey.

So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas
morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to
look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little
surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle
ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom.
'Mummy , Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!'

'Of course it has,' her mother grinned.
'But how did you know?' Kitty
demanded.

Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows
that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!'

Author unknown

Best Christmas Present

Midland Texas - "Twelve Days of Christmas"

Animal Services Director Paul O'Neill is hoping puppies, kittens and
adult animals at the shelter will get homes in time for Christmas.

He's launching the "Twelve Days of Christmas" event providing $25
adoptions which include a rabies shot, city or county license, microchip and
even a present for each animal getting a home.

"We are trying to hold as many adoptable animals as we can," he tells us.
"Hopefully we can get them homes for Christmas."

This year I figured we might be able to spread Christmas cheer while
helping these animals find good homes. So on Monday I accepted his
invitation to visit the shelter with a photographer and share a few pictures
with you.

See more about Christmas Cats here.

One Happy Christmas Cat

The owners of a cat that went missing four years ago got a late surprise
when they were reunited with her on the day after Boxing Day.Willow, who is
now 10 years old, disappeared after being let out to play from her home in
Princetown, Devon, England in 2007.

The black cat was one of three that vanished from the same close in the
town on Dartmoor within months of each other. While one of them turned up in
Taunton, Somerset, Willow was finally found in Plymouth.

'It's really only sinking in now, but it's the best Christmas present
ever,' Will and Guy learned from owner Cristel Worth. 'How she managed to
stray from Princetown to, about 20 miles away, to get to Elburton, I have no
idea. It's a long journey right across the moors.'

Willow was taken in six months ago by a family from the Elburton area of
Plymouth until a space became available at a nearby animal rescue centre.
But it was not until last week that the Gables Farm Dogs' and Cats' Home in
Plymouth finally identified her thanks to an implanted microchip.

Mrs Worth, 32, said she was with her husband, Mark, 31, and their two
young daughters when she received the call from the charity last Tuesday.
'We had almost given up hope that we would ever find her again and it was a
really wonderful experience to know that she had finally come home,' she
told us.

Cat and Mouse

Funny Cat Christmas Story

How To Give a Cat a Pill

So you get a cat for Christmas, unfortunately after the excesses of the
festive season it gets sick. Here are detailed instructions for what to do
next.

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.  Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.  Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3)
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly
between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's
throat
vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's
forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's
shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's
front paws to
rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Not A Christmas Cat!

See more Christmas
trivia »

Footnote
Please send us your funny Christmas cat
pictures.