Here is Will and Guy’s assortment of amusing Christmas nick-nacks.
Christmas Party Stuff
How Many Days of Christmas?
Sung To the Tune of “Deck The Halls”
Deck the malls this Christmas season, fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason, fa la la la la, la la la la
Push your charge card to its limit fa la la, la la la, la la la
Your check book now has nothing in it.
fa la la la la, la la la la.
After the Christmas Party…
What goes ho, ho, ho, bonk?
Santa Claus laughing his head off.
Political Correctness – Even at Christmas
Who’s the bane of Santa’s life?
The elf and safety officer. Catherine Tate
Two Feet Of Snow!
Snow Prevents Getting to Work Next Day
Here is idea for an email to send from home to the boss.
Dear Boss
So sorry, but I cannot make it into the office today. When I opened my front door I found 20 inches of snow on my door step. Here attached, is a photograph to show you that what I say is true.
Yours
Dosser McSciver
P.S. This is where Dosser was actually staying:
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claus.
Father Christmas Stuff and Nonsense
This Santa group demands swine flu vaccine priority. A group representing Father Christmases: the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas, is calling for Santa Clauses in the USA to be placed on the priority list for swine flu vaccine shots. Members of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas, including president Nicholas Trolli (bottom centre).
Swine flu has become such a concern for the U.S. Santa organisations that the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas (AORBS) even featured a seminar on the illness at a recent conference in Philadelphia.
Santa’s – Bad Back
It Always Feels Good to Post That Christmas Card
Funny Stuff From Christmas Crackers
- Why did the turkey cross the road?
Are you kidding? It’s Christmas – he should run a mile.Stephen K Amos - Why did the atheist cross the road?
So he could see both sides.Tom Wrigglesworth - A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre ……
So the barman gives her one.Meera Syal - How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.Ben Miller - Who’s the bane of Santa’s life?
The elf and safety officer.Catherine Tate - Never read a popup book about giraffes. Sean Lock
- Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… Or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.
Sean Hughes - Man: I’ll have the steak and kiddley pie, please.
Waiter: I think you mean steak and kidney?
Man: That’s what I said, diddle I?Alexander Armstrong - Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.Steve Pemberton - How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
Poker face.Shazia Mirza - I’ve started dating this Jewish podiatrist.
I’m in love with her footspa.Phil Nichol - What do you call a man who’s been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
These are good crackers, aren’t they? Who bought these?Chris Addison - How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!Dave Hill - What do you give a railway station master for Christmas?
Platform shoes.Will
Please send us your funny Christmas stuff.
