Our mission is to amuse you with a wide variety of clean jokes, amusing anecdotes and thought provoking images. We also aim to surprise, but never to shock or offend. Our ongoing project is to collect jokes which reflect each month.
January is named after the Roman god – Janus. Jan may be a corruption of the Latin ‘geno’ meaning beginning. Or maybe not, as March used to be considered the first month of the year.
Clean Funny Jokes for January
- Banned for Wearing a Hat
- Burns Night – Tribute to Robbie Burns
- Coincidences – Predictions and premonitions
- Dates for January
- Good Karma – Start the year in good style
- Jokes for the New Year
- Logical Language – Tie yourself in verbal knots
- Neologism Word Contest – Alternate meanings for common words
- New Year Traditions – Celebrations in different countries
- Notice Boards – Unusual postings
- Ode to January – Time to diet!
- Patrick’s Dog Story – Strange but True Story
- Tickets Please
- True Stories – Have a good laugh
- Unfortunate Names – Don’t name your child like this
- Warnings to Women – Clean jokes
- Zodiac Signs – January
- Interesting Anniversaries for January – Test your Knowledge
Unusual Text Message
Had a text from my mate the other day it said:
‘I’ve just been arrested and charged with being the ugliest man on Britain – please come down to the police station and prove them wrong’
Coincidences
On February 13, 1746, a Frenchman, Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed for the murder of his father. Precisely 100 years later, on February 13, 1846, another Frenchman, also named Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed – for the murder of his father.
Unfortunate Children’s Names
Robyn Banks
Dee Zaster
Teresa Green
Nora Bone
Ima Kettle
Army Life
An Army Major needed to use the pay phone but he did not have the 20p necessary. He saw a private cleaning the floor and demanded of him, ‘Soldier, do you have change for a pound?’.
The private replied, ‘Of course.’
The Major gave him a an icy stare and erupted, ‘That’s no way to speak to a superior officer. we’ll do that again. Soldier, do you have change for a pound?’.
The soldier replied, with a glint in his eye, ‘NO SIR.’
The American and the Welsh Farmers
‘How big is your spread?’, asked the American. ‘Well look you, it’s about 20 acres he said’. Only 20 acres the American responded, back in Texas I can get up at sunrise, saddle my horse and ride all day, when I return at supper time, I’ll be lucky to cover half my farm’. ‘Dew dew’, said the Welshman, ‘I once had horse like that, but sent him to the knackers yard.’
Examples of Neologism – Alternate Meanings for Common Words
- Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
- Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
Warning – Women’s Body Parts Move – Funny Yet Clean Story
Open letter from Ms Peggy Legg
This is an explanation to those friends and family who have experienced mysterious switches of their body parts. This effect is especially noticeable in January.
You may have read of the the scare story about the man whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban myth, my story is true – it occurs to me practically every day.
Good Karma: Instructions for Life
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self,
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
