1) Logical Thinking
A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.
‘This is the scene’, said the teacher.
‘A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?’
A little girl raised her hand and asked, ‘To draw out all his savings?’
2) In an unrelated story – Pelican
A pelican can be identified by the fact that its beak can hold more than its bellycan.
The Pelican
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His mouth can hold more than his belly can,
He can hold in his beak,
Enough food for a week!
I’m damned if I know how the hell he can!
Dixon Lanier Merritt, a Southern newspaper editor and President of the American Press Humorists Association, penned this famous limerick in 1910.
3) Whacked
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his iPod.
4) Hot Blooded Men
A man is lying asleep in bed with his wife. She wakes him and says, ‘Close the window. It’s cold outside, ‘He grunts and turns over.
His wife nudges him again, ‘Close the window. It’s cold outside.’
At last he gets up and bangs the window shut, ‘So now it’s warm outside?’
The above joke reminds my how fickle humour is. One day I get the above joke – just, but I don’t laugh. Another day, when I’m lying in bed with the wife, thinking about how she has a 14 tog duvet, but I only have a 4 tog duvet, the above joke brings a smile to my face.
5) Divorce Case
‘Mr Edwards, I have reviewed your petition very carefully, ‘the divorce court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife £600 a week, ‘
‘That’s very fair, your honour, ‘the husband said, ‘and every now and then I’ll try to send her a few quid myself.’
6) Examples of Oscar Wilde’s Wit
- There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But… it is better to be good than to be ugly.
- The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
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