Church Pews News

Church jokes. Pews news humour
  • Tonight’s sermon: ‘What is hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • Tuesday, at 4pm, there will be an ice cream social.
    All ladies giving milk come early.
  • Thursday, at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the vicar in his office.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Richards to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
  • The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Roderick James Hillman, the sin of Revd. and Mrs. Hillman.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • ‘Help blow up and decorate the church with balloons on Easter morning.
    Meet at 7:30 am to help. Won’t take long!’

Out-takes from the Pews News

One Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.

Remember the annual spring cleaning of the Parish Hall this Saturday. We need lots volunteers to join the work crew. We have a long list of items to be cleaned. The widows will need extra attention.

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