1) Funny Tax Return
There was a man who made his tax returns promptly and properly only to find that he owed the IRS [Inland Revenue Service], in 1997, $3407USD. [Somewhat less than £2000] He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 1997 tax return and payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund’, as noted on my return. Might I suggest you then send the above mentioned fund a ‘1.5 inch screw’. (See attached article – HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I have just read an article about the Pentagon and ‘screwdrivers’.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled of Oklahoma.
2) Tax Jokes
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, your accountant gets your money.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing something right.
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 [knowing my own hidden secrets] and Psalm 52:3-4 [lies and deceit], a man wrote the following letter to the Inland Revenue’s HM Inspector of Tax:
‘I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a cheque for £150.
If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.’
The haggis and European tax law have much in common. They both involve bloody processes, the end results are a mystery and those of a squeamish disposition should not get involved in the making of either. Anon
P.S. Please send us your funny Tax Jokes
