Will and Guy’s Marriage and Relationships (7)
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Voltaire
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.’ Terry Pratchett
2) Why we split up
She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65 on make-up. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don’t think she’s coming back.
3) Happy Anniversary
‘You think so much of golf that you don’t even remember when we were married.’
‘Of course I do, my dear, it was the day I sank that forty-foot putt.’
4) Good basis for marriage?
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
‘Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship, ‘the wife explained.’ He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I’m listening.’
5) Did You Know?
(1) In a recent poll held in the USA, American men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
Interestingly, only 50% of the women responded that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!
(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) ‘ When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.’ – Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
6) How do you decide who to marry?
You’ve got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Martin, age 10.
How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. Nathan, age 10.
7) Good Policy?
Hooligans had set fire to a farmer’s haystack which then spread to his barn.
While he surveyed the wreckage, his wife ‘phoned their insurance company and asked them to send a check for £30,000, [$60,000 USD] the amount of insurance on the barn.
‘We don’t give you the money,’ a company official explained. We replace the barn and all the equipment in it.’
‘In that case,’ replied the wife, ‘cancel the policy I have on my husband.’
