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1) An Alternative Medical Dictionary: [Submitted by Nigel Morris]
- Artery – The study of paintings
- Barium – What Doctors do when patients die
- Caesarean Section – A neighbourhood in Rome
- Cauterize – Made eye contact with her
- Colic – A sheep dog
- D&C – Where Washington is
- Dilate – To live long
- Enema – Not a friend
- Fibula – A small lie
- Genital – Not a Jew
- Impotent – Distinguished, well known
- Labour Pain – Getting hurt at work
- Morbid – A higher offer
- Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates
- Node – Was aware of
- Outpatient – A person who has fainted
- Post Operative – Letter carrier
- Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery
- Seizure – Roman Emperor
- Tablet – Small table
- Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport
- Urine – Opposite of ‘ you’re out’
2) Girl, 12, proves that toilet water is cleaner than ice cubes
A Florida schoolgirl won top prize with a science project proving that toilet water is cleaner than ice in fast food restaurants. Jasmine Roberts, 12, of New Tampa, tested her theory in five local restaurants, reports Tampa Bay’s 10 News.
‘My hypothesis was that the fast food restaurants’ ice would contain more bacteria that the fast food restaurants’ toilet water, ‘she said. Jasmine says at each restaurant she flushed the toilet once, then used sterile gloves to gather samples. She also collected ice from soda fountains and asked for cups of ice at drive thru windows. She then tested the samples at a lab.
Jasmine said: ‘I found that 70% of the time, the ice from the fast food restaurant’s contain more bacteria than the fast food restaurant’s toilet water.’
Her project won the science fair at Benito Middle School, and she hopes to win the top prize at a regional science and engineering fair.
3) A Good Medical Joke
While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took some X-rays of a trauma patient and took the results to the senior radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.
‘What on earth happened to this patient?’ he asked in astonishment.
‘He fell out of a tree,’ according to the report.
The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.
‘I’m not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Mark’s Expert Tree Pruning Service.’
Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, ‘Cross out ‘expert.”
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