Quirky Collective Nouns
Many of us learned about collective nouns at school. One of the many oddities of the English language is the multiplicity of different names given to collections or groups, be they animals, birds, people or things. Many of these collective nouns are evocative, and extremely clever.
We should all know the common ones: like a parliament of rooks; a run of poultry; a herd of bison; a pod of dolphins; a colony of ants; a swarm of bees; a school of cod; a shoal of herrings; a tribe of natives; a cortège of mourners and many, many others.
However, Will and Guy have thought up some new, different, amusing and perhaps, funny quirky English collective nouns, which may make you smile:
A jam of tarts
An exaggeration of fishermen
A sentence of judges
A load of cobblers
An expectation of midwives
An annoyance of neighbours
A melody of violinists
An impatience of wives
A conflagration of arsonists
An illusion of magicians
A horde of misers
A yearning of yesterdays
A ponder of philosophers
A nucleus of physicists
A portfolio of stockbrokers
A flush of plumbers
A corps of anatomists
A bodge of DIYers
A scoop of journalists
A decanter of publicans
Ten Outtakes – Of Funny Collective Nouns
A cuddle of teddy bears
A conjunction of grammarians
A promise of barmen
An obeisance of servants
A staff of employees
A fraid of ghosts
A nastiness of villains
A promise of tomorrows
A prudence of vicars
A clique of photographers
Will and Guy feel sure you could invent your own funny collective nouns and send them to us.
The Plain English Campaign
The Plain English Campaign is a group that has been fighting for crystal-clear communication since 1979. Consider some of these examples that made Guy and Will smile:
- Take off lid and push up bottom. [From a stick deodorant label]
- These guidelines are written in a matter-of-fact style that eschews jargon, the obscure and the insular. They are intended for use by the novice and the experienced alike. [From the United Kingdom Evaluation Society ‘Guidelines for good practice in evaluation’]
- Thought grenade [Management jargon as found in Office Angels survey – means ‘explosive, good ideas’]
- This is a genuine ground floor opportunity to shape a front line field force operating in a matrix structure. [As stated on the ‘Take a Fresh Look at Wales’ website]
- The delay to this service is due to low adhesive conditions. [Otherwise known as ‘slippery tracks’, from First Scotrail]
- The cause of the fire was due to a malicious ignition incident that was fortunately contained to the function and meeting room area of the hotel. [News statement about a fire at a hotel]
- Its clear lines and minimalist design provide it with an unmistakable look. It is daring, and different. So that your writing instrument not only carries your message, but lives it. [Promotional literature for … pens]
- Where the policy is divided into a number of distinct arrangements (‘Arrangements’) where benefits are capable of being taken from on Arrangement or group of Arrangements separately from other Arrangements, then this policy amendment will not apply to any Arrangements in respect of which the relevant policy proceeds have already been applied to provide benefits. The policy amendment will apply to all other Arrangements under the policy. [Policy amendment, Norwich Union]
