Here is source of inspiration for when you want a funny thought of the day.
Funny Thoughts for the Day
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a ‘Broker’?
- Why isn’t there a mouse flavoured cat food?
- Why do they call the airport ‘the terminal’ if flying is so safe?
- I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. – Ancient Persian Saying
- If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, why aren’t people from Holland called ‘Holes?’
- You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
- Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
- Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
- Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone Ella Wheeler Wilcox
- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
- Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be. – Don Quixote
Droll Witty Thoughts to Conjure
- By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost
- If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
- Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. Ogden Nash
- Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. – George Eliot
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
- When you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn’t doing the same thing. – Unknown
Curious and Whimsical Thoughts
These thoughts of the day are not hilariously funny, but they induced a wry smile on either Will or Guy’s face.
- Men who seek happiness are like drunkards who can never find their house but are sure that they have one. – Voltaire
- The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. – Robert Frost
- At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. – Salvador Dali
- How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese? – Charles De Gaulle
- One camel does not make fun of another camel’s hump. Ghanaian Proverb
- It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane. – June Henderson
- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. – Carl Sandburg
A Collection of Capricious Thoughts About Marriage
MARRIAGE:
It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gains her masters
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN:
The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth.
FATHER:
A banker provided by nature.
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their
Mistakes.
CLASSIC:
A book which people praise, but never read.
SMILE:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
The Funny World of the Office
THE OFFICE:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later.
LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
Assorted Drole Thoughts
DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence later.
MISER:
A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
Loving Thoughts of the Day
- Beauty is truth, and truth is beauty – John Keats
- A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness. – John Keats
- Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. – Henry David Thoreau
- Never refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you. – Madame de Tencin
Please send us your funny thoughts of the day.
