Predicting the Future
- There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
- Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
- If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
- Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
- How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
- Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
- Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
- Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
- No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
- Think about this … No one ever says ‘It’s only a game’ when his team is winning.
- A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
- There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.
- I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
- Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
- The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket
- Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
- Money can’t buy happiness: but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Bentley than in a Kia.
- After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
The Future -Time Travel
English Heritage erect plaques on houses in which famous people have lived in the past. Here, we have tracked down what is a superb example of a spoof sign.
Jacob Von Hogflume 1864 – 1909
Inventor of time travel
Lived here in 2063
This is how Jacob travels in time:
The future is here – Microsoft’s Latest Mouse
Will and Guy’s Top Twenty Choice Of Hilarious, Funny, Useless And Totally Wrong Predictions
- What looks like a permanently high plateau. – Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, USA, October 16, 1929.
- King George 111 said in 1773, that the American colonies had little stomach for revolution. UK
- Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. – Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, France 1872.
- Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value. – Marshal Ferdinand Foch, France, in 1911. [He may have been wrong in this case but at the Treaty of Versailles, 1919, which ended the 1st World War, he said accurately, ‘This is not a peace, it is only an armistice for the next 20 years.’ The 2nd World War broke out in 1939.
- It will be years – not in my time – before a woman will become Prime Minister.- Margaret Thatcher, 1974 [Prime Minister, UK, 1979-1990]
- It doesn’t matter what he does, he will never amount to anything.- Albert Einstein’s teacher to his father, 1895.
- Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility; a development which we should waste little time dreaming about. – Lee de Forest, 1926, inventor of the cathode ray tube.
- In 1939, The New York Times said the problem of TV was that people had to glue their eyes to a screen, and that the average American wouldn’t have time for it.
- I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year. – Editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.
- I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. – Thomas J. Watson, 1943, Chairman of the Board of IBM.
- We don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet. – Hewlett-Packard’s rejection of Steve Jobs, who went on to found Apple Computers.
- This “telephone” has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. – Western Union internal memo, 1876.
- We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. – Decca Recording Company. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
- Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? – H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
- An official of the White Star Line, speaking of the firm’s newly built flagship, the Titanic, launched in 1912, declared that the ship was unsinkable.
- An English astronomy professor said in the early 19th century that air travel at high speed would be impossible because passengers would suffocate.
- With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn’t likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market. – Business Week, 1958.
- Whatever happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping. – Frank Knox, U.S. Secretary of the Navy, on December 4, 1941.
- Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy. – Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
- 640K ought to be enough for anybody. – Bill Gates, 1981.
Vision From the Past
Vision of The Future
- Please send us your jokes of the future.
