Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Unknown
- Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered in a trap.
- When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- She sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Ten More Funny Quotes From Employee Evaluations
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching. Then he fell out of the family tree.
- A room temperature I.Q. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural de-selection. It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; but he only gargles.
Employment History
- My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
- I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- I was a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. It was a so-so job.
- I worked in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
- I was a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
- I tried to be a chef. I thought it would add a little spice to my life,but I just didn’t have the thyme.
- I was a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
- I was a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
- I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
- I worked in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.
- I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
- I always wanted to be a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
- I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
- I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
- I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
- I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.
- I got a job as a historian but I realized there was no future in it.
- I was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
Please send us your funny quotes from employee evaluations.
