Answers Given to Bible Tests
Will and Guy's One-line Bible Jokes
- The first
book of the Bible is Guinness's, In the book of Guinness Adam and Eve were created from an apple
(Hmm could they mean Genesis?)
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of the Ark. Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.
- The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
- The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he actually obeyed him.
- Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- Solomon had 100 wives and 700 porcupines.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus sacked in the manager.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
- Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson because he brought the house down.
- Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice.
- Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
- There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. - French proverb
- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep - Carl Sandburg
- Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. - Jesse Jackson
- A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth. - Charles Darwin.
- The worst sin - perhaps the only sin - passion can commit, is to be joyless. - Dorothy L. Sayers
- When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love. - The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.
- Goodness does not consist in greatness, but greatness in goodness. - Athenaeus
- Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. - Madeline Bridges
- We can forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
- What lies behind us and what lies before are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - William Morow
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