Silly Christmas warnings

Here is our collection of silly notes on packages, also funny Christmas facts gleaned from newspapers.

Silly Warnings – Or Funny Christmas Facts

If you think last Christmas was bad, it could have been worse – as these funny facts from the United Kingdom prove. I cannot help wondering if other areas of the world are more accident prone or less? Another thought, how does Christmas compare with other times of the year?

1) Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

2) Three people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

3) Five people were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

4) Eight people cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep while throwing up into the toilet.

5) Eighteen people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

6) Nineteen people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

7) Thirty one people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8) Fifty eight people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

(Incidentally, in Birmingham they don’t even use proper screwdrivers. Instead they get out the ‘Birmingham Screwdriver’, otherwise known as a hammer.)

9) One hundred and one people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

10) One hundred and forty two people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

11) Five hundred and forty three people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. (In 1967 my ex flat mate was one such.)

A German Throws Christmas Tree, And Himself Out of Window

Poor Willy Thevessen threw his Christmas tree out of a third floor window. The problem was that somehow he managed to throw himself out of the window too. It was late at night and he may have seen a German T.V. advert showing people throwing their old trees out of the window.

Mr Thevessen suffered severe head injuries and was taken to a hospital in Moenchengladbach Germany. Will and Guy wish him a speedy recovery. So far we have trawled the internet, but had no further news of his condition.

What ever the outcome, this is a cautionary tale of disposing of your Christmas tree.

Another Silly Christmas Warning

We have just purchased a sherry trifle from a supermarket which is described on the packaging as being “Simply Exquisite for Christmas”.

Imagine our disappointment when, having paid for it, we read further and found the instruction: “Use by 24 Dec”.

J Barker, Snape, Suffolk, England

Beware – Christmas Decoration Can Go Wrong

Warning on a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

A Government website has warned parents that a visit to see Father Christmas could be ‘terrifying’ for small children.

Pantomimes may also be too scary and traditional party games could have youngsters in tears.

The advice for teachers detailed on the website said, ‘Younger children in particular have a wide range of fears. For very young children, Father Christmas can be terrifying. Make sure that fearful children are near an exit. Trips to the pantomime can cause alarm, so the same planning applies.’

Margaret Morrisey, from the National Conference of PTAs, is reported to have said, ‘It is so sad that we have become so politically correct that we are trying to remove the magic of Christmas.’

The advice has been taken off the website and the Department for Education said, ‘This is not Government policy. It does not reflect our views.’

I could not find the above reference on the website. Could it be that common sense has forced them to remove the article?

Funny Christmas Warnings

Will and Guy’s Funny Christmas Warning Labels

Here is our collection of amusing words of warning on Christmas goods. Some of the humor is the result of mis-translation, while other examples are down to poor proof reading.

Will and Guy’s Top Ten Hilarious and Funny Christmas Warnings

This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Television advert warning on a DIY electric rotary tool.
This product is not to be used in bathrooms.
On a bathroom heater given last year to Will’s Aunt as a Christmas present.
Christmas Lights Warning:
For indooror outdoor use only.
Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
On a Christmas card for a 1 year old.
Do not use if you cannot see to read the information in the information booklet.
In the information booklet.
Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.
On the case of a chocolate CDs in a Christmas gift basket.
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
On a bottle of Christmas shampoo for dogs.
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.
On a can of spray foam used to decorate glass at Christmastime.
Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death.
A label inside a protective bag containing fragile Christmas presents which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
Battery may explore or leak.
On a battery found in a Christmas present.

Funny Christmas Warning On Label Jose Cuervo Especial

Silly Warnings On Christmas Presents

One hundred and 42 people were injured by not removing all pins from new shirts.
A label on a Christmas present: Hair dryer: ‘Never use hair dryer while sleeping’
On average 3 people die each year by testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Do not use house paint on face. Seen on TV in a Visa commercial.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash – May contain foam.

On the BOTTOM of a Tesco’s Christmas Tiramisu dessert ‘Do not turn upside down’ [……….. too late]