Funny Milkman Jokes

• These Notes Were Left in Milk
  Bottles
• Funny Notes Left in Milk
  Bottles
• The World’s Fastest Milk
  Float

These Notes Were Left in
Milk Bottles :

• Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.
• Dear milkman I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.
• Please leave an extra
  pint of paralysed milk.
• Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
• Please don’t
  leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
• Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking
  the tops off the milk.
• Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
• Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.
• Sorry not to have paid your bill
  before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
• Sorry about yesterday’s
  note. I didn’t
  mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
• When you leave my
  milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
• Please knock. My TV’s
  broken down and I missed last night’s
  Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you
  tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

More
Examples of Milkman Jokes –
Funny Notes Left in Milk Bottles

Will and Guy lament the demise of the milkman; it
seems now that everyone get their milk from the supermarket, thus fewer and
fewer milk floats and milkmen.  Inevitably this means that source of fresh
milkman jokes is drying up fast.   Meanwhile, enjoy these funny notes left
for the milkman:

• My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?
• Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a
  baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
• From
  now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t
  want any milk.
• Cancel one pint after the day after today.
• My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
• Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
• When
  you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t
  leave any milk.
• No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until
  further notice.

The World’s Fastest Milk Float

A ‘souped-up’ milk float is to be used in an attempt to smash a land speed record to become the fastest milk float in the west. The ‘Electric Blue’ has been specially adapted with an extra motor fitted, it
has a fin on its roof, to combat turbulence, and has its suspension lowered for the attempt. And owner Kevin Bourne hopes to beat the current record of 71.4mph next year, reports the Metro newspaper.

‘Everyone has a stock impression of milk floats travelling at 10mph, so you don’t expect to see one accelerate to 80mph,’commented Mr Bourne.

This vehicle has been on display at the Museum of Science and
Industry in Manchester, UK.

Another Classic Funny Milkman Joke

Joanne read in Vogue magazine that a milk bath does wonders for your
skin.  So she wrote a note asking the milkman to leave 100 bottles of
milk for her next delivery.

Eddie, the milkman, saw the note, and thought there must be an error in
the number of zeros.  Therefore he knocked on the door and asked
Joanne, to clarify the order.  Joanne confirmed that she wants 100
bottles to fill her bath.  The milkman then asked,  ‘Do you want
it pasteurized’  Joanne replied ‘No, just up to my neck’.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny milkman jokes
and notes left in bottles.