True Story about Guy’s Cousin

My Cousin

With relatives there is no hiding place.  They know what you are really like, equally you know them warts and all. Cousin is one of the few descriptions of one's relative where the gender is not explicit.  Well in this case, I am talking about my female cousin.  To protect her identity I will refer to her as Jay. Jay and I have an embarrassing picture where we are being bathed together in a tin bath age about three.  In this instance, we are both united in trying to track down offending copies of the photograph. As we grew up we met at holiday times and amused our selves playing games, building tree houses.  We always had fun and Jay was more ' Tomboy' than shrinking violet.  Until I was 17, she was always just an inch or two taller than I was, but much to her chagrin I eventually outgrew her by half an inch.  Still, at 5:11 and less than 140lb she always turned heads. At age about 25 Jay and I met up for the first time in years.  Well, I normally greet female relatives with a peck on the cheek.  As I went to give her a cousinly kiss, Jay surprised me with right hook to the stomach.  She landed it with such force that family members still talk about today.' That's for locking me up in the garage' she said.' But that was ten years ago', I replied feeble, clutching my abdomen. The scene is now set for the heart of the story.  Jay was in a riverside bar at Kew London.  She is now pushing 40 and Jay is in the pub with a big group.  One of the men on the fringe of the party boasted that he played tight end for the London Monarchs and before that he was a number 8 forward with Harlequins rugby team.  However, this man was no gentleman and was picking on a puny male friend of Jay's.  Admittedly it was only verbal, but the taunting got nasty.  While the victim was not her boyfriend, it got too much for Jay.' Stop it' Jay said.' What are YOU going to about it the football player smirked' .  What are you going to about it?  I could have helped him there.  I could have told him it would be nasty and unexpected. Some say it was the punch that broke his jaw, while others insist that it was the fall from the bar stool to the stone floor that did most of the damage.  What is not in doubt is that Jay caught him with a haymaker of a right hook.  Never mind not seeing the punch coming, this football player just could not imagine that a 40-year-old woman would punch their lights out. And that was his undoing. To his credit, he could see that there would be no future in reporting the assault to the police, he would have lost all credibility.  He maintained his story that he fell down stairs after a night's drinking.   Good, clean yet free stories and jokes.  True stories, after dinner humour, urban myths and humorous short stories.

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