One day, Jimmy knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighbourhood. The lady of the house answers.' Pardon me Ma' am' , Jimmy says, 'I'm out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting...'
'Painting?' the woman jumped in.
' Oh, yes, Ma' am! I'm a very careful painter, 'Jimmy replied, his face brightening at the realisation that she could provide him some work.
'I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him.
'Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white as well, and I'll pay you an extra bonus.'
'Oh yes, Ma' am, I'll do an excellent job!' She then told Jimmy where to find the paints around back in the garage.
A few hours later, Jimmy returns to the door.' That was quick, did you do a good job?' the woman inquires.
' Oh yes Ma' am, two coats! But there's something you should know, 'Jimmy says.
'That car is not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari!'
As Retired Lieutenant Commander Andrew Craig was driving his old car down the motorway, his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Andrew, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M275. Please be careful!'
'Botheration, 'said Andrew, 'Its not just one car. Its hundreds of them!'