Funny Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes, Pictures and Stories

• Where's That Thanksgiving Turkey?
• Six Legged Turkey
• Two Turkeys Meet
• Thanksgiving Turkey
• The Turkey - A Most Difficult Bird to Cook
• 17 Stages To Cooking a Turkey

Where's That Thanksgiving Turkey?

I know the wife bought a turkey.  But where on earth did she put the bird? Perhaps the question should be - 'Who is the Thanksgiving Turkey?' Whilst this funny Thanksgiving turkey picture works with either a caption of 'Christmas' or 'Thanksgiving'; it is not nearly so funny if you substitute 'chicken' for 'turkey'.

A Tricky Value Judgement

Recommended: See more of our funny Thanksgiving turkey pictures

Now Where is That Turkey?

Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses. The second pilgrim asks, 'Why do you have two blunderbusses?' The first pilgrim explains, 'I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again.' The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, 'Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?'

Six Legged Turkey

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding, his mission was to produce the perfect turkey.  His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store.  'Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!' They all asked the farmer how it tasted. 'I don't know, 'said the farmer, 'I never could catch it!'

Funny Thanksgiving Turkey

It was just before Thanksgiving in Walmart, and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?' 'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'

Turkey Surprise

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. Irish Proverb

Thanksgiving Horror Movie

See another Funny Thanksgiving Turkey Pic

The Turkey - A Most Difficult Bird to Cook

Louise was away from home on Thanksgiving Day for the first time and she was missing her home and family desperately. Louise decided to cook a turkey herself, just like her Mum used to, so that she could feel closer to her family. Louise returned home for the celebrations and recounted her experience to her Mum saying, 'Mum. it was so difficult to eat the turkey.' 'Why was that, dear' asked Mum in a concerned way, 'was it not cooked properly?' 'How would I know?' responded Louise, 'it wouldn't sit still.'

Real Questions Asked on the Butterball Turkey Cooking Hotline

1. Is it OK to baste my turkey with engine oil?
2. Can I poke holes all over the turkey and pour a can of beer over it to keep it moist?
3. Should I carve my turkey with a 16in Redmax or should I get out my Stihl Electric Chain Saw?
4. How do I get my Chihuahua out of the turkey.  (Her dog jumped up on the kitchen table.)
5. Should I leave the giblets in their plastic bag during cooking?
6. I'm a truck driver. Can I cook the turkey on the engine block of my semi while I'm driving?  If I drive faster, will it cook faster?
7. How long should I cook my turkey on the car radiator? 50 minutes at Mach 1 should do it!

How Louise's Thanksgiving meal SHOULD have looked: An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet

17 Stages To Cooking a Turkey

1. Go buy a turkey
2. Take a drink of whisky
3. Put turkey in the oven
4. Take another 2 drinks of whisky
5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
6. Take 3 more whiskys of drink
7. Turk the bastey
8. Whisky another bottle of get
9. Ponder the meat thermometer
10. Glass yourself a pour of whisky
11. Bake the whisky for 4 hours
12. Take the oven out of the turkey
13. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
14. Turk the carvey
15. Get yourself another scottle of botch
16. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
17. Bless the dinner and pass out

Thanksgiving Cake

It's curious how after a sumptuous lunchtime meal, in the early evening you can find room for a piece of Thanksgiving cake.

 Two Turkeys Meet

Beware the Turkey? To borrow a line from WC Fields: 'Never work with children, animals, or Thanksgiving turkeys'. The above funny Thanksgiving picture marked the 61st anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation.  Live Thanksgiving turkeys have been presented to presidents since the days of Abe Lincoln.  However, the current form of the ceremony dates back to President Harry Truman in 1947.

Thanksgiving Turkey Competition

A Minnesota man basted a 72-pound turkey to defeat his sister in their annual sibling rivalry over who can prepare the biggest Thanksgiving bird. Rich Portnoy roasted his enormous turkey in his 36-inch-wide, chef-calibre oven on Thanksgiving Day to top the biggest bird his sister had ever cooked by 25 pounds. Big turkeys are a tradition in the Portnoy family. Rich Portnoy said his father cooked birds of 30 pounds or more years ago. Last year, Andra Portnoy cooked a 47-pounder to take the lead after her brother could only find a 37-pounder, even though he lives in the nation's top turkey-producing state. This year, Rich Portnoy approached the Minnesota Turkey Growers Association, which helped him find an 85-pound breeding tom that, at 59 weeks old, was near the end of its useful life. He bought the turkey for $30, [£58GBP] loaded the live bird into the back of the family's car and drove it to a processor, where it was made oven-ready at 72 pounds. Portnoy and his wife, Charlene, invited 26 people to Thursday's feast. They weren't sure the big old tom would be edible, so Portnoy also cooked a 19-pound 'backup turkey' on the backyard grill.

Turkey Funnies

The turkey is a funny bird Its head goes bobble-bobble; And all he knows is just one word... And that is gobble-gobble. We believe this very funny cartoon, which was sent in by Greta, is by Tony Sarrecchia Footnote: Please send us your funny Thanksgiving turkey pictures.