Texas Independence Day Jokes
The Battle of The AlamoThe siege started on February 23rd and on March 6th the final battle took place in which Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie and William B Travis were killed along with over 200 Texan volunteers. Unfortunately, they died never knowing that Texas had been declared a Republic four days earlier.
What's The Difference Between a 'Yankee' Zoo and a Texas Zoo?What's the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo? On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the scientific name in Latin. Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the animal and the recipe.
Father O'Flaherty and the LawFather O'Flaherty rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. 'Good morning. This is Sergeant Bush. How might I help you?' 'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Flaherty at St. Brigit's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?' Sergeant G. Bush, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites.' Father O'Flaherty replied, 'Aye, tis certainly true, .....but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'
Only in TexasWhere other than Texas do people prize their cattle more than their cars? Don't answer that Scotland!
ID Card?A Texas State trooper pulled over an old dusty pickup driven by a cowhand from a nearby ranch as he headed east on I-10. The trooper asked, 'Got any ID?' The cowboy replied, 'Bout' whut?'
Kyle Married a Girl from TexasThree men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. Martin had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. Martin said that it took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. Audie had married a woman from South Carolina. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. Audie told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes was done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man, Kyle, had married a Texas girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed and this was all her responsibility. Kyle responded that the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.
A Texan Anniversary RememberedWhile enjoying an early morning breakfast in a Fort Worth café, four elderly Texas ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, 'Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?' 'Yup, we sure are,' Roy replied. 'Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?' another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, 'For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to San Antonio. For our 50th , I'm thinking 'bout going down there again to pick her up.'
Playing Possum Why are The Texans like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. See our funny Super Bowl Jokes
Need a Cowboy? (Kindly sent in by Jerry Simpson)A Texas rancher passed away leaving everything to his lovely young wife. Needing help with the ranch she decided to advertise for a ranch hand. Only two men applied. One was gay and the other was a drunk and known to be very lazy. She thought about it and hired the gay guy thinking that he would be safer to have around. Her selection proved to be a very hard worker who put in long hours and knew a great deal about ranching. To reward his good work she let him have some time off to go into town for some fun. Late that night he returned to the ranch house. Halfway to his room he saw the woman standing next to the fireplace with a glass of wine in her hand. She called him over. She then told him to 'come closer' as she put her wine glass down. Then she said: 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off!' While trembling, he complied with her request and took the blouse off. 'Now take my boots off,' she said. 'Now my socks.' The hired hand again complied but was getting more and more embarrassed. 'Now take off my skirt.' He did as told and unzipped and removed the skirt. 'Now take off my bra.' And, again he did as he was told. 'Now take off my panties.' He slowly pulled them down and threw them on the floor with the rest of the clothes. She fixed him with a very determined look and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again then I'll fired you!'
No Turkeys - But....Early one November the turkey hunting party headed towards Meeke in Minnesota. Surprisingly, they could not find any turkeys. Never mind said, Jed, their leader we'll go back to the cabin, have breakfast then try again. I'll skip breakfast and keep on looking said Tommy Lee who had come all the way from Texas especially for the shoot. While the others had their breakfast they heard no end of gunshot. After they finished their bacon and eggs they headed in the general direction of the shooting. They were greeted by Tommy Lee, who said, 'bring a truck, I've got me 5 of them'. 'Do we really need a truck for 5 birds,' said Jed? 'Birds?' said Tommy Lee, 'I've got me 5 sheep, I wasn't going to come all this way from Texas and then go home empty handed'.
Interesting Places in Texas Valentine, Texas (Popular on February 14th) Turkey, Texas (Famous at Thanksgiving)
Texas Independence Day March 2nd - Reminder
Independence is declared; it must be maintained. Sam Houston Washington - March 2, 1836See more Special Day Today events Footnote: Please send us your Texas Independence Day jokes.