Will and Guy's collection of interesting jokes and stories.
What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem.
What's the difference between a politician and a snail?
One is slimy,
a pest and leaves a trail everywhere, and the other is just a snail.
What did the snail say to his ex wife?
'I'M STILL LEAVING YOU!'
Why did the shy snail drink?
'To come out of his shell!'
Why did the snail cross the road?
I don't know but I'll let you know
when it gets here.
I took my new snail buddy home with me today. He took one look at my
house and said,
"Wow! I wouldn't want to carry that on my back!"
I bought a racing snail once. He got really slow so I took his shell
offâ€¦.. but that just made him sluggish....
George goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.
asks him, "What are you, George?"
He answers, "I'm a snail."
The host says, "And who's that on your back?"
George replies, "That's
Michelle!" (My shell)
Farmer Jack hears a knock at his door late one winter's night. He opens
his door, looks around, looks down and there, at his doorstep, is a snail.
The snail says, "Can I come in, I'm really coooooold?"
Farmer Jack replies, "No, get outta here you stupid snail," and kicks him
across the garden.
Spring comes, then summer, then fall and before you know it, it's winter
again. Farmer Jack hears a knock on his door. He opens it, looks around and
sees that same snail from last year, who asks indignantly, "What did you do
- A snail can live just as long as a dog, perhaps even longer (as long
as nobody eats it!). They can live 15 to 20 years.
- Slime is very useful to them; it protects their soft body from all
sorts of damage. A snail can even go over a razor blade without getting
- They love damp and dark! They do have eyes at the end of their
longer tentacles (not on the bottom short ones) but scientists think
they can only distinguish light from dark and not much more. They also
use their "eyes" to feel the world around them and check for obstacles
(to confirm what they can barely see).
- They have a great sense of smell, which is how they find their food.
The Giant African Land Snail is known to eat more than 500 different
types of plants.
- They can't hear you!
- They are nocturnal creatures.
- Snails are very strong and can lift up to 10 times their own body
weight in a vertical position.
- Garden snails (helix apersa) have a top speed of 45 metres per hour,
this is about 1.3 cm. per second, although they rarely move more than 25
metres in 24 hours. While they don't move fast, they do move at a very
steady pace. The snails are one of the slowest creatures on the entire
- Snails hibernate in the winter living on stored fat
- A snail grows a new spiral every year.
- The collective name for a group is an Escargatoire, Rout or Walk
- The largest snail ever found came from Sierra Leone in Africa. It
weighed two pounds and was over 15 inches long.
Another Snail Joke
A snail goes into a Cadillac dealership and buys a fast, new car. But
when he buys it he has particular instructions for the dealer.
you to give it a paint job" says the snail.
"Sure, what colour do you want?" says the dealer.
"I want you to paint
a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk," instructs the
"Sure thing," says the dealer, "but can I ask why?"
The snail looks at
him and explains: " So when I go driving up and down the strip all the
people watching me say, "Look at that S Car Go!!!!
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