Daft Stories and Stupid Pictures
If you are in the right mood then these silly jokes are hilarious.
To cope with when you are not in the right mood we use surprise and variety,
so keep looking until one of the jokes or funny pictures tickles your fancy.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70! Blow this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The
driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought
to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you
believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed
six people in the arm in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could
be following some kind of pattern.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: 'Does
this taste funny to you?'
'Deja Moo': The feeling that You've heard this bull before.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
When cannibals ate a
missionary, they got a taste of religion.
The short fortune-teller
who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
your job at the clock company?
A. I'm having second thoughts about it.
your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.
your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't
keep up with inflation.
See more cheesy jokes
Funny Put Downs
He - Go on, don't
be shy. Ask
She - Okay, get out.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
just lost the plot, he's
lost the whole library: Melody Maker (about Michael Jackson, 1992)
See more silly funny put downs
Stupid Things To Do in The Supermarket (Preferably, while your other
When an announcement
comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream '
those voices again!!!'
Hide in a
clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say, 'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'
Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
See 10 more things to do
in the supermarket
Please send us your silly funny jokes, daft
stories and stupid pictures.
See more of funny stories, pictures, amusing videos
and jokes about people
All sections •
Men jokes •
Women jokes •
School jokes •
• Medical •
Funny people jokes •
Retirement stories •
• Silly jokes •
Christian jokes •
Short Stories •
International jokes •