Short Stories Online

Will and Guy's Short Stories Online

Variety truly is the spice of life.  When it comes to a story, we have a tale for each social occasion and every mood.  Many of these
online stories are true - with embellishments.

Short Stories Online

 

Will and Guy's Short, Clean, Funny and Droll Stories

Meet the President: A True
Funny Tale

When Will Rogers was being taken to the White House to meet
President Calvin Coolidge, Vice President Dawes cautioned him not to try to be funny because
the President had no sense of humour whatsoever.

Undaunted, Rogers
bet Dawes that he could have Coolidge laughing within 20 seconds.

When the
formal introduction was made, Dawes began by saying, 'Mr. President, may I introduce my friend, Mr
Will Rogers.'

Rogers held out his hand with a questioning look and said,
'Pardon me, I didn't quite get the name.'

Coolidge roared with laughter,
and Rogers won the wager.

Phil Goes to a Dentist: A Clever and Silly Story

Phil Gilliland,
from Northern Ireland, visits his dentist in Southsea, Portsmouth because he
feels something is not quite right in his mouth.

Dr Ansari, his dentist
examines him and says, 'Phil, that new upper plate I put in for you six
months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?'

Phil answers with a
slight frown, 'All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise

Sauce, I think it was. I loved it so much I now put it on everything: meat,
toast, fish, vegetables, everything.'

'Well,' says Dr Ansari, ' that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce
is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away
your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.'

'Why chrome?' demands Phil. Funny Dentist Horror Stories

To which Dr Ansari, the dentist, replies, 'It's simple. Everyone knows
that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.'

More Short Online Stories

A True Story of An American Tourist

Mary Pembarthy, a guide
at Windsor Castle, told Will and Guy this allegedly true story about what
she heard last month when 'on duty'.

Mary was struggling to make herself
heard over the roar of low flying aircraft coming into land at nearby London
Heathrow Airport, one of the busiest in the world.

She was interrupted by
an elderly American tourist who demanded what was wrong with the town
planners, and why had they built the Royal Castle so close to the airport.

An Old Hindu
Legend: Thought-Provoking Story for All

It is thought that there was once
a time when all human beings were Gods, but they so abused their divinity
that Brahma, the chief god, decided to take it away from them and hide it
where it could never be found.

Brahma's problem though, was where to
hide their divinity. So Brahma called a council of the gods to help him
decide.

The Council's meeting went like this: 'Let's bury it deep in the
earth,' said the Gods. But Brahma answered, 'No, that will not do because
humans will dig into the earth and find it.'

Then the gods said,
'Let's sink it in the deepest ocean.' But again, Brahma said, 'No, not there, for
they will learn to dive into the ocean and will find it.'

Then the gods
said, 'Let's take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there.'
But once again Brahma replied, 'No, that will not do either, because they
will eventually climb every mountain and once again take up their divinity.'

Perplexed, befuddled and bemused, the gods gave up and said, 'We do not
know where to hide it, because it seems that there is no place on earth or
in the sea that human beings will not eventually reach.'
Will and Guy's Funny Short Stories

Brahma thought
for a long time and then said, 'Here is what we will do. We will hide their
divinity deep in the centre of their own being, for humans will never think
to look for it there.'

All the gods agreed that this was the perfect
hiding place, and the deed was done. And since that time humans have been
going up and down the earth, digging, diving, climbing, and exploring;
searching for something that is already within themselves.

Two Drunken Monks

Two
Sinhalese Buddhist monks, Bhadrapala and Ashoka in the province of Uva, Sri
Lanka had drunk about 13 beers each.  Both were inebriated and had to make
their own ways home.

Ashoka had to walk many miles to reach his village
and he was none too steady on his feet.

'Will you be all right to walk
home?'  Bhadrapala asked his friend, showing concern for his well being.

'Of course,' announced Ashoka loudly and bravely, 'I will take the Middle
Path.'

Man Drops Swag, Locks Keys In Getaway Car, Shoots Himself

- Read
All About It Here:

A man who had spent 20 years in prison for bank robbery back in 1963
thought he would try again in 2003 in Spotsylvania County, Virginia, USA.  He
demanded and received several thousand dollars from two surprised bank
cashiers and as he fled he spilled $100 notes in his wake as he attempted to
stuff the cash into his pockets and get away.

When he reached his hired getaway car he realised that he had locked his
keys inside. This bungling burglar promptly took to his heels and fled the
scene on foot followed by two passersby who grabbed him. The fleeing felon
attempted to pull out his gun but failed, and shot himself in his leg but
kept fighting his would be arresters; one of whom shot the suspect.

The local police have charged the robber with 8 felonies, including
robbery and 2 counts of attempted murder. The suspect was attended to in
hospital and recovered.

No, you couldn't make up a story like that.

The Carpet Cleaners: An Hilarious, True, Short Story

One summer's
day, early in August, an English housewife Mrs Doris Milson looked out of
her kitchen window in and saw a group of men loading her neighbours'
priceless collection of Persian carpets into a large removal lorry.

'What are you doing?' she called, quick as a flash, knowing her neighbours
were on holiday during the school holidays.

'Alright, Ma'am,' they
shouted, 'We're taking them to be cleaned,' the men replied with a broad
grin.

Straightaway, never one to miss an opportunity, Mrs Milson decided
to take advantage of the service they offered. 'Will you please take
mine too?' she asked.

The men were only more than happy to oblige. They
were house robbers.

Mary Baker, the Princess Caraboo
from the Island of Javasu
Short Online Story

In 1817, a cobbler in England, met an apparently disoriented young woman
with exotic clothes who was speaking a language no one could understand.
Locals brought many foreigners who tried to find out what strange language
the lady was talking, until a Portuguese sailor "translated" her story: she
was Princess Caraboo from the island of Javasu in the Indian Ocean. She had
been captured by pirates, then jumped overboard in the Bristol Channel and
swam ashore.

For the next ten weeks, this representative of exotic royalty was a
favourite of the local dignitaries. She used a bow and arrow, fenced, swam
naked and prayed to God, whom she termed Allah Tallah. She acquired exotic
clothing and a portrait made of her was reproduced in local newspapers.

Eventually the truth came out: she was actually a cobbler's daughter,
Mary Baker, from Devon. She had been a servant girl in various places all
over England but had not found a place to stay. She had invented a
fictitious language out of imaginary and gypsy words and created an exotic
character.

She continued her role in the USA, France and Spain without the same
luck. Her story was the basis of the 1994 movie "Princess Caraboo", written
by John Wells.

Beautiful Stork Love Story

Short Online Story

Vets who saved a female stork, shot by hunters in Croatia, thought her
days were numbered but did not take into account the devotion of her mate,
Will and Guy can report. The vets knew the female, which they called Malena,
would never fly again but put her back on her nest thinking she would not
survive the winter. When her partner, named Rodan, flew south with their
young they expected that she would eventually die and certainly never mate
again.

Their predictions were proved wrong after the Vokic family, where she had
a nest, helped to feed her through the long winter months and she survived.
Perhaps, even more amazingly, Rodan has returned every year to mate with his
partner and rear another clutch of chicks.

Rodan flies 13,000 kilometres to South Africa, each year, to spend winter
in the warm and then the same distance back again to be back with his
injured love. A local told Will and Guy, 'She was shot in 1993 by Italians -
but she didn't die and was handed over to our vet. He saved her life but was
crippled and had lost her ability to fly. The damage was too severe. Her
lover is amazing; this year when he arrived from South Africa, where he
spent the winter, despite the fact that he had travelled 13,000 kilometres
he immediately made love to Malena. It was clear they were pleased to see
each other. As she can't fly Rodan teaches the little ones to fly and
accompanies them to the south every season.'

Brilliant tale.

Short Online Stories

If you don't see the topic that you are interested in try our 'Search'
box because we have a large selection of amusing yarns, tall tales and
strange but true online stories.  Also here are our
best short stories.

Drink Driver Pretends To
Be the Pope: A Short Online Story

A drunk driver claimed spiritual immunity when he was pulled over in
France by pretending to be the Pope.

The motorist told police he was Pope Benedict, refused to get out of his
car and turned his music up when they stopped him on a road just outside
Bordeaux. The officers said they could tell immediately he was not the
Pontiff as the inebriated man was in his 50s. And although the 83-year-old
Pope speaks French, he is known to do so with a strong German accent.

The motorist's son, who was in the passenger seat, managed to defuse the
situation and persuade the bogus pontiff to get out of the car and face
earthly justice.

Police confiscated the man's licence after he failed a breath test.

Health and Safety In the
CinemaShort Online Story

Christopher was sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the
usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, 'Sorry sir, but
you're only allowed one seat.'

Christopher groaned but didn't budge one inch. The usher became
impatient. 'Sir,' the usher announced, 'If you don't get up from there, I'm
going to have to call the manager.'

Again, Christopher just groaned which, in turn, infuriated the usher who
spun on his heel and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his
manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood
over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but
with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the
situation briefly.

All right, mate. What's your name?'
'Chris,' the man moaned, in
considerable agony.

'And where you from, Chris?' the cop barked.
'The balcony.'

Footnote:
Please send us your short online stories.

See more clean funny after dinner stories:


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Flash   •
An Englishman, Irishman ...   •
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Free short stories   •
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