Will and Guy have a wide variety of funny religious jokes, christian jokesstories and pictures. We seek to amuse, even surprise, but never to offend.
The New ConfessionalPatrick goes into the confessional box after a long lapse from going to church. Inside he finds a fully equipped bar, Guinness on tap and a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey. On the wall is a dazzling array of cigars. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a long time since I've been to confession, but I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be. The priest replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side".
The Highest PowerCarolyn Heap, another Sunday School teacher, said to her children, 'We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?' George blurted out, 'I know, Aces.'
Something Missing - Missing Something?Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn't aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake 'I'm sorry,' I told the manager, 'but there are no Christians here at St Mary's Church.'
Short Stories With a Religious Theme Bedtime Story
Darlene was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, 'Grandpa, did God make you?' 'Yes, darling,' he answered, 'God made me a long time ago.' 'Oh,' Darlene paused, 'Grandpa, did God make me too?' 'Yes, indeed, poppet,' he said, 'God made you just a little while ago.' Feeling their respective faces again, Darlene observed, 'God's getting better at it, isn't he?'
More Short Christian Jokes
Palm SundayIt was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5 year old Craig stayed home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Craig inquired as to what they were for. 'People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by,' his father responded. 'Wouldn't you just know it?' Craig complained, 'the one Sunday I don't go and he shows up.'
Anything Breakable?Theresa, living in Nebraska, USA, decides to post the old family Holy Bible to her brother in Maine. The postal worker enquires as to whether there is anything breakable in the parcel. 'Only the Ten Commandments,' Theresa replies with a smile.
Vicar Rides Again
A narrow escape The Reverend Douglas Johnston was not the best of drivers. One Sunday he was driving home from church when unfortunately, he had a minor bump with cyclist. The poor man was knocked off his bike into the ditch. The Vicar naturally stopped his car, got out and profusely apologised and gave the cyclist his calling card saying that if he could ever be of help, then the man should not hesitate to ask.As the man rode home he looked at the card which said, 'The Reverend Douglas Johnston is sorry he missed you today.'
Help from GodA woman named Edna finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray...' God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.' Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Edna again prays.... 'God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.' Lotto night comes and Edna still has no luck. Once again, she prays, 'My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE, just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order. Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Edna is confronted by the voice of God Himself: 'Edna, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.'
More Funny Christian JokesMichael, the local vicar at St Mary's, is talking to one of his parishioners. Michael remarks, 'When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter.' 'Why do you say that?' enquires the parishioner. Michael, the pastor replies, 'Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking what did I come in here after.'
A man goes to see his Vicar and confesses, 'Father, I've become a compulsive thief.'
Humorous Biblical Shorts
- Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah, because he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
- What kind of motor vehicles are mentioned in the Bible? a) Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. b) David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. c) A Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
- Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson because he brought the house down.
- Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.