One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at
the Pearly gates waiting for them. 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It
had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size
pool. 'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a
little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I
be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church
every day, and preached God's word.' 'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people
slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
More Sermon Jokes For Easter
It's funny how one sermon joke reminds you of another.
What Price a Sermon?
One Easter Sunday the Reverend Jones announced to his congregation,
'My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons......
A $100 sermon that lasts five minutes
A $50 sermon that lasts
And a $20 sermon that lasts a full hour. Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.'
A Vicar and His Son
Andrew was watching his father, a Vicar, write a sermon for the
Easter service. 'How do you
know what to say?'
'Why, God tells me', the father replied. 'Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?'
A man says to evangelist lady who is preaching in the street during
"I know what YOU are! You're a 'happy clapper'". "Oh no I'm not!" she said. "I'm a Walkie Talkie!" [True story]
Maria Told Her Mother Gladly
Maria came home from Sunday School on Palm Sunday and told her mother that
she had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took her mother a while before she realised that the hymn Maria had been
singing was really: "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."
A New Twist on Lot's tale
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, 'The
man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.' His son asked, 'What happened to the flea?'
Poor Sick Boy
Marty, a little boy, was in church one Easter Sunday with his mother
Doris, when he started feeling sick. 'Mummy,' he inquired, 'can we leave now?'
'No,' his mother replied,
'the service isn't over yet.' 'Well, I think I'm about to throw up.' Marty announced.
'Then go out
of the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a
bush.' said Doris. After about sixty seconds, Marty returned to his pew, alongside his
mother. 'Did you throw up?' Marty's Mum asked quietly.
'Yes,' Marty answered,
embarrassed. 'How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and
returned so quickly?' Doris demanded. 'I didn't have to go out of the church, Mummy. They have a box next to
the front door that says, "For the Sick".'
Funny Church Notices for Easter
Baptisms: After Easter, the North and South ends of the church will
be utilised. Children will be baptised at both ends.
Bible Study: Richard, my friend's little grandson came home from
Sunday School and I asked him what they had studied.His reply
was, 'Nothing.' So I asked him, 'Didn't you study Jesus?' Richard's
reply was, 'No, he wasn't even there.'
Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long
and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this
A Prayer for Easter Sunday
Young Ernie and his family were invited to have Easter Sunday lunch at his
grandmother's house in Monkey's Eyebrow, Arizona. USA. Everyone was seated
around the table as the food was being served.
When Ernie received his plate he started eating straight away. 'Ernie, wait until we say grace,' demanded his father. 'I don't have to,' the five year old replied. 'Of course you do, Ernest,' his mother insisted rather forcefully. 'We always
say a prayer before eating at our house.' 'That's at our house,' Ernie explained, 'but this is Grandma's house, and she
knows how to cook.'
An Act of Kindness
The neighbor of a four-year-old child was an elderly gentleman, who had
recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went
into the old Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little
boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.' Footnote: Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia judged
the above to be the most most caring act by a child.
Quotes Suitable for Grace on Easter Sunday
Easter Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no
noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things
and still be calm in your heart. - Author unknown
Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life. S.D. Gordon
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. - Jesse
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Jewish
At the end of the day, love and compassion will win. - Terry Waite
Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms
of things but in terms of ideals. Charles M. Crowe