Evocative picture of marriage bureau


Funny Picture Marriage Bureau

Marriage one-liners

  • I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
  • After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
  • Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Alexandre Dumas

International symbol of marriage approved

Geneva Switzerland: January 19th 2007.
Chairwoman: Ms Jane Plastique

The commission of human rights approved the
following international symbol of marriage:

International symbol of marriage approved

More Marriage One-liners

  • The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?'  Sigmund Freud
  • There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some
    reason in madness. Friedrich Nietzsche
  • I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous
  • By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
  • week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' Henry
  • 'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.' Sam Kinison
  • 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' James Holt McGavran
  • 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.' Patrick Murray
  • Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
    1). Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
    2). Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Anonymous
  • Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution
    yet.  Mae West.
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle
  • Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous
  • A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' Anonymous
  • First man proudly, 'My wife's an angel!'  'Second man, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Unusual Wedding Invitation

Wedding Invitation

What is this?

The above picture shows a vinyl record made by artist and designer Kelli
Anderson for her friend.  The invitation is rudimentary record player
which guest could spin with a finger.

A Bicycle Made for Two?

Bicycle made for two

The Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Will and Guy have long suspected that two holidays a year, meaningful
conversation twice a week and cuddles eleven times in a fortnight are among
the secrets to a happy marriage and now a study has shown it to be true.

Recent research among 2,000 happily married couples has identified the
main ingredients for successful unions write Will and Guy.  It
indicates quite clearly that couples benefit from taking a short break away
together twice a year and eating out in restaurants at least three times a

Furthermore, it pays to be affectionate, as wedded folk tend to share a
lingering kiss six times a week, and say 'I love you' up to nine times a

However, the research points out that it doesn't need to be sweetness and
light the whole time; as the average happy couple has at least one healthy
argument a week.

The survey also shows that while couples like to have drinks at the pub
together three times a month, there will also be a couple of girls and boys
nights as well, where people can enjoy a night out with friends instead of
their other half.

Happily married couples tend to make time for at least five movie nights
at home, in contrast to their usual evenings spent fighting over the remote
control or disagreeing about what to watch.

Also we can state that most men and women will make little romantic
gestures - such as cooking a nice meal, or taking their spouse a cup of tea
in bed - three times a month.

Interestingly, falling in love with a partner on first sight is NOT
indicative that a relationship is meant to be, as only 42% of happy couples
say this was the case. As we have recognized for many years it is friendship
that is important, as 47% of those people polled say they were friends with
a partner before they became an item, and then eventually married.

Other contributors to a successful marriage include making quality time
for each other (50%), supporting each other (49%) and being kind (39%).

A fifth of couples make a point of never going to bed on an argument, and
21% say the key to a happy marriage is to try to turn a blind eye to
irritating habits.

Knowing when to say sorry is a big step in the right direction for 33% of
people, while 35% claim to be happy because they share the household chores
out equally.

Compromising on the television schedule, being honest, retaining a degree
of secrecy and accepting each other's faults all play a part in a happy

Having just researched this item, Will is now going to leave his office
and go to the kitchen and prepare the evening meal for his wife.

Please send us your marriage one-liners and jokes

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