Here is Will and Guy's collection of international jokes and funny
pictures. All the jokes are clean, and to our old-fashioned way of
thinking, are in good taste. It will be a sad day if national
identities are lost due to political correctness. There are signs that
common sense is prevailing. If we have a bias then it's for old
friendly rivalries such as English v Scottish, American v Canadian,
some of the current conflicts seem too intense and painful for us to include
jokes about their hostilities.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were
confessing their secret vices to each other.
'I'm a terrible gambler,'
said The Englishman.
'I'm a terrible drinker,' said The Scotsman.
vice is much less serious,' said The Irishman, 'I just like to tell tales
about my friends.'
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were out fishing in a boat on a
lake together and doing very well.
'This is a terrific spot for
fishing,' said the Englishman. 'How will we know where this spot is next
'I've thought of that,' said The Scotsman, 'I've just put a mark
on the side of the boat.'
'You idiot,' said the Irishman, 'how do you
know we will get this boat the next time?'
Englishman, Irishman... Jokes
Truly International Jokes
You can take a
New Yorker out of the Bronx, but you cannot take the Bronx....
Four men were walking down the street in London, England: a Saudi, a
Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. Then suddenly, a
reporter comes running up and says, 'Excuse me, what is your opinion
about the meat shortage?'
The Saudi says, 'Excuse me, what's a shortage?'
The Russian says, 'Excuse me, what's meat?'
The North Korean says, 'Excuse me, what's an opinion?'
The New Yorker, says, 'Excuse me?? What's excuse me?'
'A guy phones the local hospital and yells, 'You've gotta send help! My wife's
The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?'
He replies, 'No! This is her husband!'
See more funny jokes from
around the world
More Funny International Jokes
How to Speak Chinese
It's very dark in here...........................Wai So Dim?
I bumped into a coffee table.................Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...................Chin Tu Fat
See more on How to
Learn to Speak New Zealand
This is duffy cult - not easy
Bun button - been bitten by insect
Beard - a place to sleep
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
See more on How
to Speak New Zealand
Funny Engrish Signs
Don't Make Skies Fall Down!!!
See more funny Engrish
Five Funny Jokes From Other Lands
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban
on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the
day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30
miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French Army
garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
'In California, a speech teacher is in a lot of trouble
for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Iraq. The
principal was furious and said telling kids to oppose the war is the
French teacher's job.' - Conan O'Brien
A sign seen in the window of a shop in Enniskillen, County
Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. It reads: 'The bargain basement...is on
the first floor.'
Andrew called in to see his Scottish friend Angus to find
he was stripping the wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he
remarked 'You're decorating, I see.'
To which Angus replied, 'No. I'm moving house.'
One foggy night, a United States Aircraft Carrier was cruising off the coast of Newfoundland and the junior radar operator
spotted a light
in the gloom. Here is a transcript of what happened next.
The radar operator worked out that a collision was likely unless the other vessel changed
its course. So he sent a radio message.
U.S. Aircraft Carrier Radar Officer:
your course at least 7 degrees to the south to avoid a collision'.
Back came the reply:
'You must be joking, I recommend you divert your course instead'.
The U.S. Radar Officer referred the matter to his superior officer. And reported the incident as
As a result the Captain of the Air Craft Carrier sent a second message.
'I believe that I out rank you, and
am giving you a direct order to divert your
Canadian Radio Operator:
'This is a lighthouse. I suggest you take evasive action.'
Footnote to the lighthouse urban myth
lighthouse story is an urban myth. Our friend Jackson heard a rumour that the
story is discussed at the annual coastguards convention, where the different versions are compared and scored. Apparently most versions are preposterous because the ship would have visual contact with the
lighthouse. However, if you add a fog to your version you gain credibility - at least in the eyes of the lighthouse keepers.
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