What cost cutting measures will hospital administrators think of next?
Beware: Guard Dog Operating - Guy's interpretation of this funny hospital
The thought of a guard dog with a scalpel brings tears to my
'Karate, my foot.'
Rory's wife, Martha, afraid of local troublemakers, wanted a guard dog, so he went to 'Pets R Us' in Bristol, to buy one.
'I have just the dog for you,' said the shopkeeper to Rory, smiling, showing him an Affenpinscher. [Toy dog breed]
'That little toy couldn't frighten a fly,' exclaimed Rory. 'It's far too little.'
you believe it, he knows karate,' the shopkeeper replied hastily. 'I'll show you.' With that, he pointed to a cardboard box and ordered, 'Karate the box.'
Straightaway the little fellow smashed the box to
pieces. The salesman then pointed to an old wooden chair and instructed, 'Karate the chair.' In seconds, the dog reduced the chair to matchsticks. Absolutely amazed, Rory bought the dog.
When he got home,
Rory announced to Martha that he had bought the guard dog she had demanded. She took one look at the Appenpinscher and was singularly unimpressed. 'That fluffy little creature thing couldn't knock the skin off
a rice pudding,' Martha sneered.
'You just wait and see,' answered Rory confidently, 'this
Appenpinscher is a karate expert.'
'The trouble with you, Rory,' continued his wife scornfully, 'is that you
always believe anything a salesman tells you. 'Karate, my foot.'
Another Guard Dog to Avoid
Daniel says that he saw a sign with this variation:
'Vicious guard dog
on duty four days a week. You guess which four.'
Guard Dog's Day Off - or Off
Strange But True Hospital Story
A woman telephoned St Mary's
Hospital and asked to speak to
Ward E2 as she was enquiring as to the progress of one of the patient's
in that ward. She explained that she wanted to know if the patient was getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.
nurse answered the phone, 'Hallo, Ward E2. What is the name of the patient and his room number?'
'He is in bed 1, room 10, 'came the reply, 'And his name is Albert Brown.'
'Could you hold the
line for a moment, 'the nurse asked, 'While I check his records. Ah, yes, Mr Brown is doing well: blood pressure OK, blood test results appear normal, he's
going to be taken off the heart monitor and if he
continues to improve then Doctor Svoboda is going to send him home tomorrow at midday.'
super, amazing, I'm so pleased to hear the news; it really is fantastic, thank you so much.'
'You sound so glad, 'replied the nurse, 'You are so and enthusiastic you must be a close friend or a relative of Mr Brown.'
answered, 'Not exactly, I'm Albert Brown in Ward E2, room 10, bed 1. Nobody in here ever tells me anything.'
In case you are wondering, Albert's
day job is a ventriloquist. While
this is a strange but true story, all other details have been changed to protect the innocent.
Not So Funny Hospital Picture
Hospital Knows How to Treat Burns
An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury.
He goes to examine the first
patient he sees, and the man proclaims, 'Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!'
The English doctor, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the
patient launches into, 'Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it.'
This continues with the next patient, 'Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie!'
the English doctor mutters to his Scottish colleague, 'I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last.'
'Oh no,' the Scottish doctor corrected him, 'this is the serious Burns unit.'
More Funny Hospital Pictures
"Yes, that's my surgeon - the one who cuts himself shaving..."
Everything Has Rights!
Please send us your funny hospital pictures
See more clean funny doctor jokes and medical stories: