Graveyard Humour

Never knock on Death’s door: ring the bell and run away!  Death really hates
that!  Matt Frewer

• Graveyard Humour
• Sleeping Prohibited
• Pillsbury Doughboy’s Obituary
• Best of Graveyard Humour
• The Worst of Graveyard Humour
• Stairway to Heaven?
• Another Dead End?

Graveyard Humour – Dead End

 Cemetery Sign from Other Directions

Confused?  Will and Guy Are

Firstly there is that no right turn 150 yards.  Then there is the arrow
pointing to an entry for the Cemetery Hospital.  How DO you get in?

Then when you get in where do you go?  Out Patients – or Casualty?

Sleeping Prohibited

I must admit that I have never seen a ‘Sleeping Prohibited’
sign, therefore
I deduce that someone has cleverly faked the word
sleeping in the above picture.

Best of Graveyard Humour

Tough Cookie

John is dying.  However, he can smell his favorite chocolate nut
brownies cooking downstairs.  John summons all the strength that he has
left, he flops out of bed and crawls downstairs.  He sees the brownies
cooling on the counter and staggers over to them.  As John reaches for one,
his wife’s wrinkled old hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

‘No John, you can’t have those!  They’re for the funeral!’

American Graveyard Humor – Funny
Gravestones

Gravestone near Uniontown, Pennsylvania, USA:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

Epitaph in cemetery at Girard, Pennsylvania, USA:

In loving memory of Ellen Shannon, aged 25,
Who was accidentally burned March 21, 1870,
By the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s
Non-explosive burning fluid.

A Cemetery in Ruidoso, Lincoln County, New Mexico, USA, has this:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

In a Cemetery in Thurmont, Frederick County, Maryland, USA:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Found in a cemetery in Albany, New York, USA:

Harry Smith
Born 1903 –
Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

Found in La Pointe, Wisconsin, USA:

To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu
Born 15 September 1822
Accidentally shot 4th April 1844
As a mark of affection from his brother.

Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood cemetery, Richmond, Virginia,
USA:

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.

Found in Elmwood cemetery, Burlington, Vermont, USA:

She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life

Rest in Peace?

Iris Benbow, recently widowed, requested the epitaph ‘Rest in Peace’ on
her husband’s gravestone.

When Iris later found that he had left all his money to his mistress, she
attempted to get the mason to change the carving. This proved impossible as
the words had been chiselled by a stonemason and could not be changed.
‘In that case,’ Iris demanded, ‘please add “Until We Meet Again.” ‘

Scottish Graveyard Humour

Archie

Archie, an old Scottish gravedigger was asked how business was. Archie
replied, ‘Oh, very poorly, very poorly indeed. I havena’ buried a livin’ soul
for six weeks.’

Fergus

Annie, an elderly Scots lady, lay dying. She looked up and asked her husband
if he would do her just one small favour before she went. ‘Fergus,’ she asked,
‘on the day o’ the funeral I’d like ye tae ride in the same coach as ma mother.’

To which Fergus replied, ‘A’ richt, Annie. I’ll dae that tae please ye. But
ye’ve completely spoilt the day for me.’

English Graveyard Humour

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great
ordeal of meeting me is another matter. – Sir Winston Churchill

I don’t speak to my friend Edward any more since he shortened his name –
he’s Ted to me now. – Aaron Rice

[He’s dead to me now!]

Unusual, Strange Graveyard
Humour

In Ribbesford cemetery, near Bewdsley, Worcestershire, England

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

The Worst of Graveyard Humor?

Stairway to Heaven?

Stairway to Hell?

Footnote:
Will and Guy often wonder, ‘Who are the people
who build these follies?’  ‘What do they look like?’

Another Dead End?
Inside is Another
Staircase to Nowhere

Try climbing those stairs

See more Hilariously, Silly and Funny
Building Mistakes

Meanwhile Back Outside We Have Deep Excavations

Footnote:
Please send us your funny pictures of
graveyard humour.