The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.
A Wise Old Man
The Voice Of Experience
The Wise Farmer's Donkey
Wisdom Comes with Experience
Amusing Epithets To Live By
Funny, Witty and Short Story of
A Wise Old Man
Richard was a wise old man, he had retired and had bought a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, quiet and contentment.
Then a new school year
began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can [rubbish bin] they encountered.
The crashing percussion
continued day after day, until finally Richard decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young 'percussionists' as they banged their way down the street. Stopping
them, he said, 'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if
you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing.'
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face. 'This recession is really putting a big dent in my income,' he told them. 'From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.'
The noisemakers were
obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and they continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, Richard, the wily retiree, approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. 'Look,'
he said, 'I haven't received my Social Security cheque [Old Age Pension] yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?'
'Only a lousy quarter?' the drum leader
exclaimed. 'If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!'
Richard, the clever old man, enjoyed peace and tranquillity for the
rest of his days.
The Voice Of Experience Can Be Sometimes Funny and Sometimes Thought
Will and Guy hope you will enjoy these examples of wisdom, knowledge and
James, a young boy of 6, turned to his Grandfather and says, 'When you
die, Grampy, I don't want your money. Please will you leave me your memory.'
[As told to Will by George, an old and valued friend who has a monumental
Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you
beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the
experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination
to do so: Douglas Adams
We can only learn to love by loving: Iris
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes: Oscar Wilde
These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past,
wisdom is of the future: Vernon Cooper
Education is when you read the
fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't: Pete Seeger
first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
card tricks for the group you play poker with
Experience is something
you don't get until just after you need it
To steal ideas from one person
is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
Experience is a hard
teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards: Vernon
There is a fine line between genius and insanity
a very high price to pay for maturity
A conscience is what hurts when
all your other parts feel so good
Blessed are they who can laugh at
themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
Monday is an awful
way to spend 1/7th of your life
Experience is not what happens to a man,
it's what a man does with what happens to him: Aldous Huxley
heart lives long: William Shakespeare
Here's something to think about:
How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?: Jay Leno
Imagination is more important than knowledge: Albert Einstein
inevitable; except from vending machines
You don't stop laughing because
you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing
The Wise Farmer's Donkey
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out.
Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and the
well was dry anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the
donkey. So the farmer asked his neighbours to come over and help him cover
up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the
At first, when the donkey realized what was happening he cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was
happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's
amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.
Will and Guy consider that the moral of this tale is: Life is going to
shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off
and take a step up. Through applying wisdom every adversity can be
turned into a stepping stone. The way to get out of the deepest well
is by never giving up but by shaking yourself off and taking a step up.
What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it.
Wisdom Comes with Experience
Dwayne is a strong young man at the construction site and he was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen, George. After
several minutes, George had had as much as he was willing to take. 'OK, Dwayne, why don't you put your money where your mouth is?' he stated thoughtfully. 'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in
a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back.'
'You're on, old man,' Dwayne, the braggart replied, smirking. 'Let's see what you got.'
George, the old fellow, reached out
and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to Dwayne, he said, 'All right. Get in.'
Thought Provoking, Honest, Lovely, True and
Amusing Epithets To Live By
Written by Regina Brett who is a 90 year old journalist - The Plain
Dealer newspaper, Cleveland , Ohio.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't mess up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for
old age to wear purple.
24. The most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative: dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Sometimes It Pays To Be Old
Witty and Short Story of Wisdom Senility
An elderly couple, John and Maureen Barnden were celebrating their
sixtieth wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood
sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood, just outside
Burlington in the State of Vermont, shortly after they retired.
Holding hands, John and Maureen strolled back to their old school. It was
not locked, so they went in and found the old desk they'd shared, where John
had carved "I love you, Moz."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car,
practically landing at their feet; Maureen quickly picked it up, and not
sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money:
seventy-thousand dollars. [approx.£45,000 GBP]
John pronounced, 'We've got to give it back, Moz.'
Maureen replied quickly, 'Finders keepers, sweetheart,' and she put the
money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two policemen were going from door to door in their
neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on John and Maureen's door.
'Excuse me, sorry to trouble you, but did either of you find a bag that
fell out of a Securicor van yesterday?'
Maureen responded firmly, 'No.'
John retorted clearly and loudly, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the
Maureen glared and said, 'Don't you believe him, he's getting senile.'
The agents turned to John and began to question him. One says, 'Now sir,
think back to yesterday and tell us the whole story right from the
'Well,' started John, 'it was like this: when Maureen and I were walking
home from school yesterday .....'
The first policeman turns to his partner and raising his eyes to the
heavens murmurs, 'Let's go, Buddy.'
Author Unknown: Story adapted by Will and Guy and names have been changed
to protect the guilty.
See English Language
Please share with us your wisdom, knowledge and experience.
See more wise words, witticisms and quotes
Funny words of wisdom •
Wise words •
Funny thoughts to ponder •
A funny word
Witty funny quotes •
Famous people sayings •
Wisdom sayings •
Perks for over 60s
Meaning of words •
Funny thought of the day •
Rules of life •
Funny put downs