Funny, story Bible Test

Answers Given in a Bible Knowledge Test

1. The first book of the Bible is Guinness's,  In the book of Guinness Adam and Eve were created from an apple (Hmm could they mean Genesis?)
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of the Ark. Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.
4. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
5. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
6. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
7. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
8. The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he actually obeyed him.
9. Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients.
10. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
11. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. Solomon had 100 wives and 700 porcupines.
13. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
14. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
15. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus sacked in the manager.
16. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
17. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Funny Religious Jokes From Christmas Crackers

• Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?  Samson because he brought the house down.
• Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice.
• Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?   When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

 Ten General Christian Thoughts of the Day

1. There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. - French proverb
2. Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep - Carl Sandburg
3. Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. - Jesse Jackson
4. A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth. - Charles Darwin.
5. The worst sin - perhaps the only sin - passion can commit, is to be joyless. - Dorothy L. Sayers
6. When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love. - The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.
7. Goodness does not consist in greatness, but greatness in goodness. - Athenaeus
8. Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. - Madeline Bridges
9. We can forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
10. What lies behind us and what lies before are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - William Morow

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